hm, let's think about this one for a sec...

what's the deal with stupid people?! why are they so stupid? why do they always act like idiots are ME? i hate stupid people - or rather, the supidity behind their blank faces. there are so many varying degrees of stupidity that i don't know where to start...

well first of all, let's get the plain imbeciles out of the way. have you ever met the kind of person that would look at the WRONG STOPLIGHT, SEE THAT IT'S GREEN and START CROSSING?! i have. and i was almost tempted to say something, but a passing driver's hand gesture said it all. these people remind of a quote i read somewhere (the Darwin Awards, i think), "All people improve the gene pool, some by birth, some by their demise." - A. Chamberlain. this is true to a certain extent. but then again, if all stupid people died off in this world of ours, who would i have to compare with myself to boost my confidence? more importantly, who would i have left to laugh at?! well, monkeys could prove to have just as much comedic/intellectual value as these dolts.

i would categorize these people as "simply stupid" people. there's no explaining it, they're just naturally/phenomenally (depending on your POV) stupid. some things that i have seen that can be classed "stupid" by me include: smashing your head into - insert hard/sharp/serrated object here - [during physical activities] because of a lack of cranial protection, screaming "i can't feel my ears/nose." (can you feel your ears/nose normally? no, so don't be idiotic.), breaking a bone from frisbee (yeah, yeah, shut up. dickheads.), running head first into metal posts/other dense inanimate objects, death by elephant feaces, sentences/phrases lacking proper punctuation resulting in severely deformed meanings such as "wtf is a palindrome", people who call themselves environmentalists (tree huggers) that only eat plants (ex: trees), other self-contradictory actions/phrases/opinions (you'd be surprised how many times i've read "i think i'm good at seplling."), and homosexuals. let me explain that last one so you don't think that i'm just some teenager with too much time and/or angst.

see, you have to be pretty damned stupid to seriously think that being a homosexual will have a future. if it weren't for normal heteros like us replenishing the numbers of the gay community, homosexuals will become extinct very quickly. you have to be either stupid or horribly misinformed by crappy health teachers if you choose to be gay. i say choose because there are individuals out there who claim to be naturally gay. to them i say "don't be gay." homosexual people can't have offspring if you haven't noticed that already. how can gay people possibly expect to continue to populate the world with similar genitalia?

well, you could say "oh yeah?! we'll show you, we'll adopt." that's great, give a parentless child a warm home, except that there's one enormous flaw with this plan. that orphan came from a man and a woman just like everyone else, so don't be stupid by thinking that adopting a child somehow magically CREATES a new child out of nowhere, not to mention the harassment the kid would face at school having two moms/dads. don't you think the kids might just find it a little strange that there are TWO mothers/fathers who pick up the kid after school? don't you think they'd say something about it? i know i would. hell, i'd probably be the one leading the rest in a riot/bashing against the kid. poor kid.

as you can see, (homosexual) stupidity is mostly non-beneficial to everyone. however, there are cases of idiocy that don't really seem to hurt anyone (maybe the original initiator at most). i like to call this "laughable stupidity". although i still hate it (especially if i'm the one who's responsible), it's also usually quite humorous for onlookers. prime examples of this kind of stupidity are clips from "America's Funniest Home Videos" and stories like the "Gerbil Rocket". if you've been completely shut out from television for the past... many years, AFHV is a show where ordinary, silly people who own cam-corders mail in their own tapes of funny/"cool"/awkward/painful situations. and it is housed in the United States of America, a prime location to find idiotic material in my opinion.

speaking of America, it is also a nation widely known for our next form of dumbness, "ignorance". after watching a report by Rick Mercer, i am convinced that Americans are contending for a national Clueless Award. there is no natural way that an entire nation of people can be as uneducated about current issues as the USA. i think the main reason that they are so ignorant about the world is because they - indirectly - own the world. therefore, they can get away with "dicking off" all day and not paying attention like a smart kid in a dumb class or like a rich kid in a private class. being the richest country in the world must have gotten to them, turning them into narcissistic idiots. that's why i sometimes think hobos must be the smartest people around... not that i'm picking on hobos. hell, if you can survive on the streets lacking a roof, two showers a day/year, cash, and warm clothing, all the while fighting with other hobos for warm spots, food, or money, that's badass by my books. also note that hobos make good stew.

but here's something that's not badass: smart people (i.e. people with high IQs) who have no common sense. case in point, a proud member of MENSA bought a lock for his public storage/locker facilities. when confronted with the possibility of losing his key, he came up with an incredible idea. he locked his one and only key to the lock, thereby eliminating the chance of him losing the key. he also effectively removed any chance of him opening that lock again. the $30 heavy-duty lock would later have to be removed via industrial cable cutters. idiot. this guy is the kind of person that you hear about but you never actually meet. however, i'd like to point out that we (and by "we" i mean "you") are all guilty of stupid acts similar to the one described above but no one would ever admit it.

once upon a time i knew a foolish kid who decided that because he knew he was going to fail an exam, he decided to not show up. obviously, the logic (or lack thereof) behind this idea was horrendously miscalculated but he didn't know that. as a result, instead of getting a mark between 1 and 50, he received a 0 for that exam and he actually sighed in relief. such stupidity gives me an indescribable urge to kill something; not because he got a low mark but because he chose to bitch and bicker about his low mark to me. when such situations arise, i try to remember something a wise, old man told me and it helps me get by. it goes something like this:

"it takes 44 muscles to frown when someone angers you, but it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap that #@!$*& #$!@&%." - some old geezer.

now that's deep.

and now we get to the juicy stuff. a combination of both insurmisable stupidity and rock-hard stubborness can result in one of two things: either the smarter person goes home raving and angry (ex: me) or the stubborn ass goes home in a body bag (ex: you). you see, stupid people tend to have pretty extreme and very opposite consequences depending on the circumstances. it's interesting how a seemingly innocent act like yelling an obsenity in public can have such different repercussions. for example, a clever usage of an obsenity during a verbal dispute may seem humorous but taken out of that context and placed in a high-tension, political/racial rally and a brawl/riot is sure to ensue. there's a proper time and place for most things that you do; then again some things that should've never happened have somehow happened (re: my broken wrist of 2004).

if you take nothing from this article except for severe offense (that may one day lead to sanguinary violence), here are my main points: 1. stupid people are gay, 2. (see point one), and 3: Asian chicks are hot. *shrugs*

if you have any questions or comments whatsoever, please feel free to "bite my colossal shiny metal ass" - Bender, Futurama.