info @ the P.Pole 01.31.06

today is a tuesday, and today i am -- as of 1100 hours -- done my first semester, exams and all. let's recap, shall we?

5 courses i had this past semester:

• SNC 2D7 -- run of the mill pre-IB science class, with the fantastic Mr. Zupo
  
• ENG 2D7 -- sub-par english course of the pre-IB level, taught by Ms. Abrakasa
  
• LUN 2CH -- greatest class of the day; i've learned much from the dynamic duo, Mr. Sundviche and Ms. Chewsbucks
  
• MPM 2D7 -- quite a lax pre-IB math course, taught by the sarcastic and wonderful Ms. Yeganegi (who i thought was the very essence of evil, until i had...)
  
• ...FSF 2D7! -- this pre-IB french course, tucked away neatly in the corner of the school, is home to none other than the much feared Mme Jhurry

this past semester hasn't been nearly as hard as the build up had led me to believe. well, it can only get easier from here, since i've got civics and careers, history, and economics next semester. i've also got french again, with Mme Jhurry, but so do 75% of the grade 10 IB's so yeah. that's january and that semester, both over and done with for good. w00t.

hm, i've snapped many pictures of the people in my classes (mainly of my french class) but i don't think i've got [many] pictures of friends from last year. i'm going to make it my goal from henceforth to get at least 1 picture of each person that i've known from last year for this coming semester. that's going to be more fun for some people than others, but i will have a near complete collection come June, you just wait and see.

EDIT: thank you for the comment. that third period class really is a doozie. i mean, just check out the course code + teacher names. >_O

Scripture Readings

..are taken from Psalms 23-38, bold mine.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He retoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
- Ps. 23:1-4

Who shall ascend into the hill of the LORD? or who shall stand in His holy place?
He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.
He shall receive the blessing from the LORD, and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
- Ps. 24:3-5

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
[...]Hide not Thy face far from me; put not Thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.
[...]Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
- Ps. 27: 1, 9, 14

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him.
The LORD is their strength, and He is the saving strength of His anointed.
Save Thy people, and bless Thine inheritance: feed them also, and lift them up for ever.
- Ps. 28:7-9

The voice of the LORD divideth the flames of fire.
[...]The LORD will give strength unto His people; the LORD will bless His people with peace.
- Ps. 29:9, 11

Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of His, and give thanks at the remembrance of His holiness.
For His anger endureth but a moment; in His favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
[...]What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise Thee? shall it declare Thy truth?
Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be Thou my helper.
- Ps. 30:4-6, 9-10

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile.
[...]I acknowledge my sin unto Thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and Thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.
- Ps. 32:1-2, 5

Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Delight thyself also in the LORD: and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.
And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
[...]The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in His way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with His hand.
[...]For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not His saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.
The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.
The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.
The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.
The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.
The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.
[...]And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him.
- Ps. 37:3-6, 23-24, 28-33, 40

For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.
[...]Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.
Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.
- Ps. 38:18, 21-22

Taken

She has talked to me through my darkest of plights.
She has walked with me through the blackest of nights.

I would fell kingdoms for her, to fell her cold and deafened ears.
I can but seldom hold her and tell her, "There's nothing to fear."

If she took my hand, she would then blush even my ears.
If she gave her hand, my tears would stream for countless years.
- Larker, Taken

Hybrid Theory

remember the time i overview'd the FUCT -- love the way that acronym sounds, btw -- lyrics? well, here's my tribute to my very first record bought, Hybrid Theory by the Linkin Park boys. i realize they are emo, but that is quite alright by my standards.

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
[...] But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head.
Like a face that I hold inside,
A face that awakes when I close my eyes,
A face watches every time I lie.
A face that laughs every time I fall,
And watches everything.
- Papercut

I cannot take this anymore.
I'm saying everything I've said before.
[...] I find the answers aren't so clear.
Wish I could find a way to disappear.
[...] Nothing seems to go away.
Over and over again.
- One Step Closer

A little taste of hypocrisy,
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake; slow to react.
Even though You’re so close to me,
You’re still so distant; and I can’t bring You back.
- With You

Forfeit the game, before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame, puts your name to shame.
Cover up your face, you can't run the race.
The pace is too fast, you just won't last.
- Points of Authority

Fear is how I fall.
[...] This lack of self-control I fear is never ending.
[...] Discomfort, endlessly, has pulled itself upon me.
Distracting, reacting.
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection.
It's haunting how I can't seem...
To find myself again, my walls are closing in.
- Crawling

All my talk of taking action, these words were never true.
Now I find myself in question. They **I point the finger at me again.
Guilty by association,You **I point the finger at me again.
- Runaway

If I turn my back I’m defenseless. And to go blindly seems senseless.
[...] If I let them go, I’ll be outdone. But if I try to catch them, I’ll be outrun.
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer,
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer, by myself.
- By Myself

It starts with one thing; I don’t know why,
It doesn’t even matter how hard You **I try.
[...] I had to fall to lose it all.
[...] Remembering all the times You fought with me.
I’m surprised it got so far.
Things aren’t the way they were before.
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore.
- In The End

I watch how the Moon sits in the sky, in the dark night,
Shining with the light from the Sun **Son.
The Sun doesn't give light to the Moon assuming
The Moon’s going to owe it one.
It makes me think of how You act to me.
- Place For My Head

A little piece of paper with a picture drawn floats
On down the street till the wind is gone.
The memory now is like the picture was then:
When the paper’s crumpled up it can’t be perfect again.
In the memory You’ll find me, eyes burning up.
The darkness holding me tightly,
Until the Sun **Son rises up.
- Forgotten

Everything falls apart.
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down.
[...] The sacrifice is never knowing...
Why I **You never walked away.
Why I **You played myself **Yourself this way.
- Pushing Me Away

good stuff. good, hard, emo stuff.

Psalm 16:9-11

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
- Psalm 16:9-11 KJV

EDIT: an excerpt from the Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard:

Shame seems most widespread and deepest among the very people who take rightness and goodness most seriously. It is a dimension of condemnation that reaches into the deepest levels of our souls. In shame we are self-condemned for being the person we are. It touches our identity and causes self-rejection. We feel ourselves to be a failure just for being the person we are. We wish to be someone else. But of course we cannot. We are trapped, and our life is made hopeless.
This explains why discrimination against people because of the kind of person they are, their identity, is so hateful and destructive. It also explains why the gospel of the kingdom has such transforming power in human life. For that gospel opens the kingdom to everyone, no matter their classification, and it enables us really to become a different kind of person, beyond all condemnation, blame, and shame, and to know it. Those who mourn, when they step into the kingdom of the heavens, are "given beauty in place of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of grief, and garments of praise in place of a spirit of despair" (Isa. 61:3)

info @ the P.Pole 01.23.06

click title for a screenshot of an msn convo i had with Sanvir.

5 highlights of my school day:

• i had my french oral exam today -- nothing particularly hilarious, though i did somehow -- miraculously -- managed to -- be given, rather than to -- come up with sneaky and many ways to use proper vocab + verbs, which was kinda... scary and cool, seeing as how i hadn't even reviewed the questions going into it *to make more obvious, points at God*
  
• i snapped a picture (sneakily, ninja-like) of Vishaka and Mihika frenching in front of my locker -- i KNEW i carried a camera for a reason, and the clumsily lip-locked lovers weren't particularly happy with it, but sure were soaking in the attention willingly.
• i was sat on (on my lap) while i was busy playing cards -- have you no shame?! unwelcome, UNwelcome!
  
• i managed to totally piss off a supply teacher (filling in for my amazingly cool math teacher) who turned out to be my next semester economics teacher -- i just hope he's a total nitwit (of which i am already convinced he is), so that he doesn't recognize my face in a couple weeks
• my friend, Sanvir, and i were sitting at opposite sides of the bus when a dashing young woman (i assumed this, as he kept eyeing her), of about 20 or so years came and, after careful analysis, decided to park herself beside me -- it was awkward and hilarious to see Sanvir ogling her as i sat by, minding my own business, and then to see him start giving me cut-eye; it was funny

EDIT: i've decided to set that photo as my msn background because it is an all-purpose, hilarious photo. it works anywhere! from staring at my desktop icons to staring at my msn convos. great stuff.

teacher's pet peeve

so yeah, i went to 'Honk' @ Dorinda's school saturday night. that was pretty cool. it's just not the same as professional productions -- and that's what i liked about it. that, and all the duck-sex jokes. the entire thing had a very different feel to most other musical's i've seen -- not that many -- and it was very well done. the singing was, a few moments excluded, very good for high school kids.
i've had a busy week, with... i honestly don't know. snapping pictures of school friends and whatnot. i predict i will be doing that next week also, as well as copying an assignment that won't be checked/worth marks off of someone else for french. i... refuse to apply myself at tasks worth nothing more than a completion mark. especially not when i've got nothing to worry about. all that nothing on my mind is really not weighing me down.
IB kids rule. yeah, the ones who spend all day studying for exams and all period arguing over one puny test mark. it's great because while they are busy arguing, i get to sleep in class or socialize with equally not-IB friends, or whatever. i remember one time where i kept doing the 'brap thing' in class and no one cared because everyone -- teacher included -- was too busy figuring out a math problem. another time, my friend and i were lighting deodorant bodyspray (ex: Axe or Adidas spray) on fire at the back of art class. great times.

here's a little dialogue from one of my classes (hyperbole mine):

Teacher: okay guys, here's a work sheet for you to work on. do your best.
Carl: miss, what is this?
Teacher: what is it now, Carl? this is a worksheet. it's to teach you things i might have skipped by accident in my lesson.
Carl: oh, so if i believe in your teaching abilities, i don't have to do it right?
Teacher: ...just do the damn worksheet.
Carl: [...]
Teacher: [begins marking some tests]
Carl: what'd that person get?
Teacher: what?! that's none of your business.
Carl: was it mine? i have a right to know if it was mine, and since it might be mine, it might as well be mine and so, my business.
Teacher: ...what?!
Carl: yeah, nevermind. miss, can i take the liberty of not doing this?
Teacher: no Carl. do it.
Carl: ...y'gonna make me?
Teacher: well, no... but it's to help you to understand it and to get comfortable.
Carl: what happens if i already get it? wouldn't i be wasting our time?
Teacher: well, you won't be wasting my time.
Carl: i would, because you'd have to stay and supervise my working on this stuff.
Teacher: fine. waste my time. now will you get to work like the rest of the class?
Carl: sure. let's see...
[30 seconds later]
Carl: man, this is gay.
Teacher: what was that?
Carl: this is gay.
Teacher: [throws marking pen down] Carl! i can't believe you said that. [points to anti-homophobia poster]
Carl: yeah, and? i'm not afraid of the sheet. i just don't like it very much. it's ugly.
Teacher: which question are you on?
Carl: three.
Teacher: wow, you must be enjoying this stuff if you worked that fast.
Carl: not really. i did every other five letters.
Teacher: you were supposed to do every letter.
Carl: oh, i just figured you meant that as more of a set of guidelines...
Teacher: [throws hands into the air] oh whatever. skip however many you want. just don't let me know.
Carl: [starts packing books away]
Teacher: [massages temples]

EDIT: wow, that was a heck of a lot of comments. i don't get very many comments anymore, here on the P.Pole. this was a semi-exaggerated conversation between my math teacher and i.
btw, to the lady in red, i recall seeing -- not being --someone who was studying/ doing homework at church. if you ask me, that's pretty nerdy (and proud of it too, since they were displaying their nerdiness in public). well, that's okay. i'll have a NAP (it's not too hard to figure out what that means, is it?) and be all the more glad for it.

EDIT 2: courtesy of dictionary.com

nerd (n): an insignificant student who is ridiculed as being affected or studying excessively

Tug-O-War-O-Life

Whoa, I've been banging my head against the wall,
Whoa, for so long it seems I knocked it down,
Yeah, it got knocked down.
Whoa, and the heating bill went through the roof,
Whoa, and the wall I knocked down was the proof,
That my Landlord needed to kick me out.

I got evicted, now I'm living on the street.
My spirit's lifted... Oh wait, that wasn't me.
Too many turns have turned out to be wrong.
This time I learned that, I knew it all along.

Car crashes occur, then I'll be what You were,
When I see what I should, when I see that it's good.
To experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth.
Experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth.

'Cause I struggle with foward motion.
I struggle with foward motion.
We all struggle with foward motion.
'Cause foward motion is harder than it sounds.
Well every time I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again.
It's harder than it sounds.
Well every time I gain some ground
I gotta turn myself around again.

Whoa, I've been banging my head against the wall,
Whoa, for so long it seems I got knocked out,
Yeah, I got knocked out cold.
Whoa, and the medical bills went through the roof,
Whoa, and the scar on my head is the proof,
That I'll still remember this when I get old.

I got evicted, now I'm living on the street.
My spirit's lifted... Oh wait, that wasn't me.
Too many turns have turned out to be wrong.
This time I learned that, I knew it all along.

When I grasp this concept, then I'll sleep where You slept.
When I know I need help, when I allow myself
To experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth.
Experience the bittersweet, to taste defeat, then brush my teeth.
- Relient K, Forward Motion

EDIT: losing the battles isn't a lot of fun.

info @ the P.Pole 01.17.06

so my laser tag got postponed until next tuesday (it's a crappy drive out there), and since i've neglected posting this week's session, here it is:

5 of my favourite foods:

• cinnamon buns -- for my sweet tooth, and they're sweeter home-made
  
• lasagna and other pastas -- for my tomato/ cheese/ ground beef/ italian tooth
  
• curry beef and taters on rice -- for my insatiable spicy/ cow/ hot cow tooth
  
• korean barbeque -- for my huge cow/ pig/ sheep/ chicken/ korean tooth
• sushi -- for my fishy/ japanese/ fishy japanese tooth

What else could a decent man have done?

I'm under attack again my dear. I'm in the way.
Got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say,
And still if I yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?
I'd fly you a flag; I'd bury this pen into my veins!

I wanna feel through you tonight...
But I won't make you (I won't make you).

The telephone number I got for you says, 'Nobody's home.'
The best thing I can think to do right now is leave it alone.
And you had an apology in your mailbox since last July.
It's funny when you find the words to say you find no reply.

I wanna feel through you tonight...
But I won't make you (I won't make you).
Scream my name just one more time.
I wanna feel through you tonight...
But I won't make you.

And it's been hours now,
To be here like this.
And just to lay you down,
And just to taste your lips,
And just to keep me up.
God I'm tired of sleeping.
And just to lay inside you,
And just to know this feeling...

I wanna feel through you tonight...
But I won't make you (I won't make you).
Scream my name just one more time.
I wanna feel through you tonight...
But I won't make you (I won't make you).
- Something Corporate, I Won't Make You

I do realize that some of the words will remind some readers of sex (and if they didn't, I just did) but hey, I'm trying my best to consider 'feel through you' and 'lay inside you' as describing knowing someone in an intimate way. Okay, so not the best way to say it but you know what I mean, you gutter-heads.

kekeke

click on the title. funny stuff.

tonight was...

mostly good. Bible study went well -- if it weren't for everyone's incessant blithering, blethering, and blathering (there's a time for everything! : P) -- and worship was great, as in getting to worship God with some good brothers. gotta love those guys. nothing much more to report before i waste this weekend contemplating universal themes such as fear and acceptance, loneliness and repulsiveness, love and hate (for my Hell-bound english culminating activity/kicks).

for just such an occasion, here's a quote from my good friend, Alex I. : "Shut the **** was that?! Seriously, tell me."

info @ the P.Pole 01.12.06

yeah, so this week i'm a little late. that's okay. been busy and/or lazy.

5 things i do almost everyday:

• all the bodily functions like breathing, beating, blinking, thinking, eating (except for 30 hour famine), drinking, and so forth... (not gonna waste a crap load for each)
• devos
• live
  
• mess up
• learn

it's true, i really do.

EDIT: shall i quote Depeche Mode (retro-ish industrial band) and say, "told ya so." ^ - ^

Like the Water and the Wind

One winter day, a friend asked another, "Where's your God?" The kid replied that He's everywhere. She asked how can he tell? since humans can't 'sense' Him. He told her that people can 'sense' Him, just not in the conventional sense of the word. And so she asked, "What do you sense about Him then?" He replied that he feels -- and knows of -- God's love. "Really. And this imaginary 'love' from God, how does it feel?" He wondered at why she would call it imaginary. She replied that since they cannot hold it with their hands, nor can they see it, or taste it, or smell it, or etc... it must be imaginary. He was baffled as to how to explain God's love to someone such as this. The kid thought hard for a good while, until this analogy came to him.

He inhaled slowly and asked her, "What am I doing right now?" and she answered, "Breathing." Exhaling, he asked her to tell him what he was breathing. "Air, duh." Next he asked what would happen to him if he stopped breathing this air. "You'd pass out or die. Most likely, I think you'd pass out then start breathing unconsciously again." He agreed that that would be the most likely outcome, adding, "So we can agree that we need air." Then he asked her, "Am I blind?" She asked him to explain himself. He commented that, since he was breathing this 'air', it cannot be a just an idea in his mind, and so by her reasoning, he should be able to see it, but he obviously couldn't. She didn't say anything.
He then pulled out a water bottle and started drinking. He said, "What is this?" and she replied, "Water." Righto! He told her to cup her pink hands and she did. He poured a little bit of water into her hands, and said, "Hey! Don't drop it! Look, you're letting it slip onto the floor!" She wiped her now wet and cold hands on his shirt, asking, 'What is your problem?! Now my hands are gonna be cold!" He raised his palms in surrender, pleading that it was her fault since she said that he was drinking water. He'd just assumed that since water is real, she would be able to hold it. He kept explaining himself after she gave him a really dirty look -- and not the 'good' kind of dirty look too.

"Well, you said that we can't hold God's love in our hands, but you could'nt hold the water in yours either. You said we couldn't taste or smell His love, but what does water or air taste like to you? I dunno about you, but good, clean, and pure water and air don't taste or smell like anything to me. You said we couldn't see His love, but you can't see air either. But you do know it's there. You might not feel it normally, but you can feel air when it's pressing against your skin when the wind blows."
"Yeah? Well so what?"
"So what?! Air and water sustain us as long as we are living and want to continue living, here on Earth anyway. We would die in a matter of days without food, sure. Maybe in a week. Food you can see, feel, hold, and taste. Without water, we wouldn't last even a week. You can't really hold or taste water. And without air, we wouldn't last an hour. We can't see, smell, hold, or really do anything with air. But it turns out the things we need the most aren't really 'sensible'. What do you think of that?!" he asked with an air of triumph.
"You're retarded. Now my hand is freezing. Thanks a lot."

EDIT: Haha, that's a good reason, but "love" isn't measured by gifts, really. And it's okay, I'll just... hold onto yours. You've got em all on your iPod anyway, right?

The Runaway

If you ran to the end of the earth,
I would catch you and you would be safe.
If you fell down the well,
I would bring you a rope and take all the pain.
All the pain (all the pain)
That you hide from me everyday.

If you're missing I will run away;
I will build a path to you.
If you're missing I will run away,
Because I find myself in you.

If I woke up alone,
I won't stop till I'll find you and you are with me.
'Cause by now, I know you better than you know yourself,
And i know what you really need.
What you need (or I need?)
But either way this is where you should be:
Here with me. Or I'll bleed,
So much that you wont believe.

If you're missing I will run away;
I will build a path to you.
If you're missing I will run away,
Because I find myself in you.

You better not. You better not run.
You better not. You better not run.

If you're missing I will run away;
I will build a path to you.
If you're missing I will run away,
I will find you...
I will find you...
I will find you.
- Something Corporate, The Runaway

These guys are another to add onto my "thoroughly enjoy enough to buy own copy" list. I like. Thanks go to Michelle for being awesome and lending me her CDs. Sadly for her, I don't think she'll be getting these back before... a long time has passed and I have either a) Died or b) Somehow come up with enough cash to buy it.

EDIT: Please Michelle, do not bother wasting money. Don't even consider it! It's not one of those "it's all in the love for music!" moments. : P

The Perfect Coat

Click title for a really interesting analogy.

Leave my coat alone or I swear -- no, I promise -- I will totally mug you.

EDIT: I'm not too sure Melissa realizes what the analogy is OF, so I'll let that slide. I'm the lesbian, not you.
EDIT 2: That's good to know. ^-^

Jack's Mannequin...

..is really good. Just... yeah! They're just... really good.

So slow down, this night's a perfect shade of
Dark blue (dark blue).
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room
When I'm here with you?
I said the world could be burning down
Dark blue (dark blue).
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
Well, I'm here with you.
I said the world could be burning 'til there's nothing but dark blue.
Just dark blue.
- Jack's Mannequin, Dark Blue

Perhaps only some mushy lyrics to you, but their songs (esp this chorus) are addictive. I keep getting a feeling that Bruised by JM is JD's 'on-call song'.

It's that time of the month again!

When He looked at me and said,
"I kind of view youu as a son."
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question,
"Do you know what you are getting yourself into?"
- Relient K, Getting Into You

Hello. It's another fourth, but like I mentioned last month, it's "...the sixth on the fourth... [it's also] the first fourth of the sixth of the second thousandth." Have fun with that, I know I am.

EDIT: Yeah, today's been a pretty day, though I'm not talking about the weather. Smile!

Just take me there and lie to me.

I dreamt of a fever, one that would cure me of this cold, winter set heart, with heat to melt these frozen tears and burned with reasons as to carry on.
Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow but I swear that I would follow anything, if it would just get me out of here.
And so you get six months to adapt, and then you get two more to leave town.
And in the event that you do adapt, we still might not want you around.
And I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose but I know that that is impossible now.
And so I drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories, because I just can't think anymore about that or about her tonight.
I give myself three days to feel better or I swear I'll drive right off a f*cking cliff, because if I can't make myself feel better, then how can I expect anyone else to give a sh*t?!
And I scream for the sunlight or a car to take me anywhere, just get me past this dead and eternal snow, because I swear that I am dying -- slowly but it's happening.
And if the perfect spring is waiting somewhere, just take me there and lie to me and say, "It's going to be alright. It's going to be alright. Yeah, you worry too much kid. It's going to be alright."
- Bright Eyes, If Winter Ends

Yum! Emo music. This CD is way too freaking-good.

EDIT: I'm thinking of starting up a 'music blog' -- which basically means somewhere else for me to dump all the yummy lyrics I find, instead of here. I'm reluctant to have to figure out a whole new layout, so maybe i'll reuse this place's, but tweak it and change the banner... When I have time, I believe I shall.

info @ the P.Pole 01.03.05

yeah, so it's the first list of the new year.

10 things recap the last year:

• started up the P.Pole January 22nd
  
• Teen's Conference; really noisy but not just all hype (for me anyway) afterall
  
• i went to Crystal's place on Saturday, July 2nd; went to the park, and yeah. : ) talked, literally, a couple days after, and yeah. : )
  
• i turned 15 on July 8th, nothing special
  
• i bought a bass July 28th and got cracking
• Hosanna Summer Camp; it was great (except for selected sections... yeah), also note getting dunked in the pond by Moyee (you know you're like a sister to me, but sometimes... *makes strangling gesture*)
  
• i got baptized on December 25th; the water wasn't as dirty as i thought
  
• Easter Drama, Coffee House Drama, Christmas Drama; dramas are always great fun -- this coming year's gonna be even more fun, watch
  
• i bought: The Great Depression (Blindside), The Art of Breaking (TFK), The Everglow (Mae), Plans (DCFC), Two Lefts Don't Make a Right But Three Do (RK, off Adwin), and The Anatomy of Tongue In Cheek (RK, also off Adwin); i also received Letting Off the Happiness (Bright Eyes) from Moyee
• i started wondering and asking about what will happen to me in the near and far future; i think i've now got a couple cloudy ideas

EDIT: i decided to tidy up/tweak the P.Pole a bit to bring in a cleaner/new look to this place.

Sexy Quotes

So I was a little bored, and I came upon this site of quotes (aptly named the Quotations Page), and, being a teenage male with what I'd hope to be an average curiosity towards the subject of SEX, the line: "More quotations on: [Sex]" naturally grabbed my attention. Here are a couple of the better/cooler/more inspired/more appropriate ones:

• The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions. - Alfred Lord Tennyson
• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. - Billy Crystal
• Mortal lovers must not try to remain at the first step; for lasting passion is the dream of a harlot and from it we wake in despair. - C. S. Lewis
• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. - Garry Shandling
• Life is a sexually transmitted disease. - R. D. Laing

That last one is funny. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm a loser with nothing better to do, except maybe finish my short pastiche of Wuthering Heights.

EDIT: The Alethians are back! And yeah, maybe the reason for my pondering upon sex is because of the Bright Eyes, seeing as how so many of their songs are about sex. Oh and a hint of French to make my day. Woohoo.

I like the music.

I'm sorry, I just do. And I'm rather pleased with how I got all my favourite lines out (from the FUCT -- From Under the Cork Tree, if you were wondering -- album) in one clean post, rather than just spamming a whopper load of entire songs' lyrics. Now, I will proceed with doing that for my beloved (currently in the hands of le Moyee) Everglow by Mae.

"Did You know how You would move me? Did you know?
Did You know how you would move me?
Well, I don’t even think so,
But the moment's magic swept us away.
And it’s so close, but we’re so far away.
It’s so close, but we’re so far away."
- We're So Far Away

"More than words, you keep to yourself.
Like a curse that fares thee well.
...
I’ve got a feeling, it’s not the safest place to start.
This heavy breathing, it seems, we’re better off breaking hearts.
From the beginning, dulled down and lost with all its charm.
I just wanna wake up, wake up in someone's --
...
I just wanna wake up... in someone else's arms."
- Someone Else's Arms

"Now, I'm wanting this for sure,
And I'll beg for nothing more.
I'll plan all day and drive all night;
You'll love what's in store.
I can't seem to stop this now,
Even if it's not so clear.
And I'll take what I can get,
If you want me here."
- Suspension

"You put your nets out,
But still you chose to do without.
The only way to catch the butterfly,
Is never waiting for the wings, and...
...
I’ve been waiting for something.
I’ve been sitting for too long.
I’ve been waiting but oh tonight,
This one last try, goes on and on and on."
- This Is The Countdown

"These days and night blend into one,
But one more night is all I need.
Another chord from the symphony,
To float above the world for now.
To lose control is bliss somehow.
And wring the color from the grey,
Another chance to get away, oh...
Until this empty place is filled, I’ll keep pretending."
- Painless

"Oh, the night becomes the space that's somewhere in between
What I feel and what I'm told.
Sitting on the shoreline trying to figure it out -- figure it out! --
To find out the meaning, and reach it somehow.
(Will you) come over unannounced?
Silence, broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight,
Just like the ocean needs the wave."
- The Ocean

"So take care what you wish for, for it may come true.
But that September sky, how it whispered, 'I love you.'
But I couldn't take it,
Any longer, no I couldn't stand.
But the night brought sparks,
And the sparks brought flames.
And you had to be sure
This wasn't one of those games...
But I'm gonna show you
If you could just give me tonight."
- Breakdown

"We made plans to be unbreakable,
'Love' was all we knew.
No insurance for the unthinkable,
Blindly get us through.
We've been searching for a lifetime,
Short as it may seem.
Riding on the fumes that spark us,
While igniting dreams."
- Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

"Hey, what's the point in trying to get away?
The neverending search to find your escape --
It's gonna leave you cold.
Everything is better,
And everything is right,
And everything comes together,
And everything's done, tonight,
If you cover me."
- Cover Me

"We begin, breathe in.
Here's our chance to go for something.
So this is where we win, and take the game.
No blame. There's a neon light inside that shines
In tearing down the walls in the way.
I think that we've got what it takes to get this heart start beating again.
So take it all the way."
- The Everglow

"Write it in a letter,
but the words don't come out right.
Trying to explain how no one can do me like...
You don't understand how helpless I can get,
Since the day that we met...
Oh can you feel it yet?
It's never been more perfect being alive.
I've never been so satisfied! Oh...
I could feel something different for the first time."
- Ready And Waiting To Fall

"The pain it won't even cross my mind.
There is wonder in everything.
The rope gets loose, and the chains unbind,
And I can do anything."
- Anything

Note: when I first heard this next song -- without hearing the album as a whole -- I didn't liked it at all, but within the context of the album, it turned out to be a perfect way to end it, IMO.

"Painted skies, I've seen so many that cannot compare
To your ocean eyes. The pictures you took
That cover your room, and it was just like the Sun,
But more like the Moon.
A light that can't reach it all.
So now I'm branded for taking the fall. Oh...
...
So when you say 'Forever',
Can't you see you've already captured me?"
- The Sun And The Moon