Leaves from the Cork Tree

Yeah, I dig Fall Out Boy. People say From Under the Cork Tree is not quite as yummy as their older stuff, but it's still really good. Here are a bunch of lines from the album:

"It's just past 8 and I'm feeling young and reckless
The ribbon on my wrist says, 'Do not open before Christmas.'"
- Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

"You only hold me up like this
'Cause you don't know who I really am.
Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be You.
We're making out inside crashed cars.
We're sleeping through all our memories.
I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive;
Now I only waste it dreaming of You."
- Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

"She says she's no good with words but I'm worse.
Barely stuttered out
A joke of a romantic -- it's stuck to my tongue.
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic:
Tonight it's, 'It can't get much worse.'
Versus, 'No one should ever feel like...'
I'm two quarters and a heart down,
And I don't want to forget how Your voice sounds.
These words are all I have so I'll write them,
So you'll need them just to get by."
- Dance Dance

"Is this more than you bargained for? Yet...
Oh don't mind me, I'm watching you two from the closet,
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans.
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be Him?
I'm just a notch in your bedpost,
But you're just a line in a song.
Drop a heart, break a name.
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team."
- Sugar We're Going Down Swinging

"I keep my jealousy close,
'Cause it's all mine.
And if you say this makes you happy,
Then I'm not the only one lying."
- Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

"Joke me something awful,
Just like kisses on the necks of 'best friends'.
We're the kids who feel like dead ends,
And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses.
I took a shot -- and didn't even come close --
At trust and love and hope.
And the poets are just kids who didn't make it,
And never had it at all."
- I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)

"I'm sleeping my way out of this one
With anyone who will lie down.
I'll be stuck fixated on One Star
When the world is crashing down.
I keep telling myself (I keep telling myself)
I'm not the desperate type,
But you've got me looking in through blinds."
- 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)

"Are we growing up or just going down?
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out.
Take our tears and put them on ice.
'Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light.
There's a drug in the thermostat to warm the room up,
And there's another around to help us bend your trust.
I've got a sunset in my veins,
And I need to take a pill to make this town feel okay."
- Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year

"You are a getaway car, a rush of blood to the head.
But me? I'm just the covers on top of your bed.
You steer away in a rear view mirror. You make my head swim.
I keep you warm and won't ask you where you've been."
- Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

"They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone,
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone.
Always weigh what I've got against what I left.
So progress report: I am missing You to death."
- I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

(this next one is a long one)
"And you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with.
And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances.
I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming.
She said, 'Why don't you just drop dead?'
I don't blame you for being you,
But you can't blame me for hating it.
So say, 'What are you waiting for?'
Kiss her! Kiss her!
I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late.
Write me off, give up on me,
'Cause darling, what did you expect?
I'm just off, a lost cause.
A long shot, don't even take this bet.
You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights,
Get all the sighs and the moans just right."
- A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More 'Touch Me'

(this next one's a spoken free verse poem at the end of the song)
"From day one I talked about getting out,
But not forgetting about,
How my worst fears are letting out.
He said, 'Why put a new address
On the same old loneliness?'
When breathing just passes the time,
Until we all just get old and die.
Now talking's just a waste of breath,
And living's just a waste of death.
And why put a new address
On the same old loneliness?
And this is You and me,
And me and you,
Until We've got nothing left."
- Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

"To the love, I left my conscience pressed
Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer.
"What did it ever do for me?" I say.
It never calls me when I'm down.
Love never wanted me,
But I took it anyway.
Put your ear to the speaker,
And choose love or sympathy,
But never both."
- XO

Man, these guys are so emo! Not quite as emo as Bright Eyes, though the both of them have a lot of lyrics to do with sex... These guys don't make you feel sad though... not me anyway. I dunno.

EDIT: Um... Happy new year to everyone (though I wonder how people can be such idiots about it). People hate getting older -- women and men (just look at mid-life crisises where husbands have been known to leave their beautiful wives for younger, more 'pretty' wives, which I find a pretty bad testimony towards faithfulness unto death) -- yet can celebrate a new year by, of all things, staying up late, getting drunk, and being hung-over in the morning. (=_=) Anyway, to all you people who really aren't afraid of getting old and dying, me included, I wish a for an actually happy new year.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Christmas has just recently passed, and I decided to watch this movie again. I say 'again' because this movie, by Tim Hurton, in indeed one of my all-time-favourites. If no other movie were to be on that list, this one would -- I first watched this movie when I was around the kindergarten-grade 1 ages (it came out in 1993, for your trivial info). To this very day, I love this movie. It's just very well done (and slightly 'out-there'). I love the songs and the ambient music of this movie (courtesy of Danny Elfman). I remember hearing the background music of Kingdom Hearts' Halloween Town World -- basically music taken directly out of the movie -- and getting flashbacks of the NBC. They 'filmed' this movie painstakingly frame by frame over a duration of 3 whole years, using 230 different sets. Sick.
This movie's plot revolves around Jack the Pumpkin King, who, having achieved excellence, sets out to find himself. In the woods, he stumbles upon a door unto Christmas Town. Naturally, he ventures forth, discovering a new, bright, and vibrant new world. Enthusiatic and inspired, he decides to take it upon himself to bring about Christmas. All the while there's this... 'creation' of Dr. Finkelstein, a doll reminiscent of Frankenstein (only, female) who loves and cares for Jack. Jack is not totally aware of her feelings towards him -- he actually acts as if he doesn't realize her affection at all -- and Sally is all too shy to tell him outright. Anyway, you're gonna have to see it to really get it. I can tell you right now, imagine... the OPPOSITE of the Grinch's story.
I can safely say that I love this movie and it loves me. (>_O)

Dear God...

"hey God."
"hey son. what's up?"
"oh nothing much, i guess..."
"youu never were one to just come out with it. always beating around the bush..."
"that's not true! i can be very straightforward when i want..."
"and youu aren't with Me? c'mon, tell me what's going through youur head."
"who knows? well, You already know, don't You?"
"yeah, but tell Me about it anyway. how are things?"
"oh, just dandy i guess. i just died the other day, remember? yeah, that was great."
"yeah it was. I'm glad youu're suicidal."
"well, only 'cause You said so."
"youu do know that now the tough stuff starts, right?"
"...yeah..."
"yeah."
"well, what have You got planned?"
"you'll see. oh My, how you will see!"
"You mean we?"
"yes, you."
"awesome. ...so what's it like?"
"youu mean what's going through My head right now, right?"
"well, yeah. funny how You always know what i mean before i even speak."
"I'm God, I know youu inside and out, but hm, well, I'm not too sure I can tell youu right now, son."
"aww c'mon! why not?"
"all I can say is that youu're in for one heck of a ride..."
"man..."
"...and I don't promise that it'll always be fun."
"yeah, i've noticed that You never did promise fun..."
"well, not for now anyway, right?"
"yeah... well, the afterparty better be sick."
"oh don't youu worry about that. leave it to Me."
"i'm trying my best."
"that's My boy. now, about youur two hearts..."
"two? yes, them. thank You for them. i really don't know what i'd do without them... wait, You're not going to make me choose are You?!"
"Heavens no! rest assured, youu'll need them both. I gave youu both of them for a reason, y'know."
"yeah i know... You always do stuff for a reason. so what's the low-down, Big G?"
"watch it kiddo."
"sorry..."
*ruffles hair* "aww, I could never stay mad at youu. youu're My kid."
"hehe, so yeah, what's going on? whatcha up to?"
"well, see, I've been thinking -- actually, I know -- that you kids need some alone time. y'know, some time to... what's the word? ah, yes, 'chillax.'"
"oh, yeah... that's good i guess... i dunno."
"what? youu don't sound too thrilled."
"well, that's 'cause i'm not thrilled by it..."
"aww c'mon, youu're a big boy now."
"yeah, i know... but i dunno, something doesn't feel right being alone."
"haha, what a stupid kid I've got! alone?! never, My son, never."
"well, i know You're always here, but like..."
"youu don't wanna be apart. i know exactly what youu mean."
"yeah."
"i made youu that way, y'know."
"yeah, but did You have to make it so extreme? it's gonna suck."
"only if you let it!"
"what if i can't take it?!"
"youu won't be able to. I know that already."
"aww man, i thought You said..."
"c'mon son! youu can't take it, but we can! it'll be fun, just youu and I! We'll have Ourselves a great time, just playing ball and telling campfire stories."
"but i only know the stories You've told me already. You already know my stories..."
"so? I love hearing youu tell them anyway! you're so unpredictable. that's one of the things I love about you."
"...You love me?"
"what a silly question, of course I do! ...what? do I act like I don't?"
"of course not! i guess it's just most of the time... i don't know, i don't really hear it, Y'know? You don't tell it to my face sometimes..."
"My dear boy! just look around youu! check this out. do you know how many molecules are in youu?"
"no."
"well I do! I also know what your favourite colour is! I know what youu like on youur salads and what youu like to wear on rainy days. I know what youu're made for -- I made youu, afterall -- and I know what youu're capable of. i know youur soul like the back of youur hand, which is very, very well."
"wow."
"yeah! now stop speaking nonesense!"
"question. what about..." *nods* "You know."
"I know a lot of things -- everything, in fact. what about..." *nods* "?"
"well, i mean, i tell YOU that i do...but..."
"but youu wanna tell the world too, right?"
"yeah... but knowing me... well, i'm unreliable, Y'know?"
"no youu're not. I know youu know what youu're doing, and I trust you."
"well, still, what about telling the world?"
"youu want My advice?"
"none better."
"well, keep it in. feel free to tell Me all about it, but don't say anything yet."
"You could just tell me how this is going to turn out."
"I could, but that would ruin the Game. you've got to trust Me. and right now, I know that if youu said something, well, I don't know how maturely it'd be received. heck, it could even blow up 'cause of youur rashness."
"alright, whatever You say... so... wait, then?"
"yes. wait. youu've got to wait on Me."
"..."
"yeah, I know it's tough. just stick with it. it might just be worth youur while." *mumbles and rubs nose*
"haha, yessir!"
"youur enthusiasm makes me happy."
"so what's she like?"
"My, My, youu sure are curious today. isn't that a ways off though?"
"yeah, but You already know what she's like. You made her!"
"youu love her."
"don't You mean i will love her?!"
"no, youu already do. youu just don't know it. or maybe youu're unsure. and please, don't ever try to point out a 'mistake' of mine! I don't make mistakes."
*raises hands* "alright, alright, You win."
"nice, kind, gentle, pretty, and kinda weird."
"what?"
"youu asked the question!"
"oh! haha, is she? what about... well, do i know her already?"
"maybe."
"what?! c'mon! that's not fair!"
"actually, I am very fair. if I told youu now, I'm sure youur head's going to be in the clouds for months, and I need youur head on earth. I've got a lot for youu to do."
"that's true. alright, i'm gonna stop bugging You about that. You've got a universe to run."
"are youu doubting My ability to talk to youu while I run this place?! tell me, what are youu breathing right now?"
"air."
"and Who put that there?"
*hangs head in shame* "You."
"that's right! Me! and oh look, I'm talking to youu right now! wow! isn't that amazing!?"
"alright, stop it! You ARE God, and You DO know what You're doing."
"that's right. someday, I'll let youu know. and she --" *looks around* "whoever she may be, will know it too." *winks*
"sounds good."
"yes, and then that day, youu'll know youu can tell her how youu feel. for now, keep it to youurself and I."
"alright. You better tape my mouth."
"can do." *tapes*
"mmmmph!!"

June On The West Coast

I spent a week drinking the sunlight of Winnetka, California,
Where they understand the weight of human hearts.
You see, sorrow gets too heavy and joy, it tends to hold you,
With the fear that it eventually departs.
And the truth is I've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place,
Where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones,
And if all the years of searching find one sympathetic face,
Then it's there I will plant these seeds and make my home.

I spent a day dreaming of dying in Mesa, Arizona,
Where all the green of life had turned to ash,
And I felt I was on fire, with the things I could have told you.
I guess I just assumed that you eventually would ask,
And I wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart,
And all those months I just wanted to sleep.
And though spring, it did come slowly, I guess it did its part.
My heart has thawed and continues to beat.

I visited my brother on the outskirts of Olympia,
Where the forest and the water become one.
And we talked about our childhood, like a dream we were convinced of,
That perfect peaceful street where we came from.
And I know he heard me strumming all those sad and simple chords,
As I sat inside my room so long ago.
And it hurts that he's still shaking from those secrets that were told,
By a car closed up too tight and a heart turned cold.

And I went to San Diego:
The birthplace of the summer,
And watched the ocean dance under the moon.
And there was a girl I knew there, one more potential lover
I guess that something's got to happen soon.
Because I know I can't keep living in this dead or dying dream
And as I walked along the beach and drank with her.
I thought about my true love, the one I really need,
With eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure.
They make me pure.
They make me pure.
I long to be with you.

- Bright Eyes, June On The West Coast

info @ the P.Pole 12.26.05

Today is Boxing Day, a day on which large males will beat each other senseless for good luck (or a hot sale). I stayed at home today, and I just read and IM'd. I think I will start on homework reading tomorrow. Today is my father's birthday, though he always downplays it and acts like nothing's up. HA! I guess that's where I get it too. Yesterday was his lunar birthday too. Sick, eh?

5 new things:

• my pile of books; Life of Pi (Herm and Sherm), Taming a Liger (TJCAC), etc...
  
• my King James Version Bible (Crystal)
  
• my Bright Eyes, "Letting Off the Happiness" album (Moyee)
• my underpants (Drawer) -- so fresh they'er crispy!
• me (God)

EDIT: Also, a "thank you" must go to my bro, Adwin. Twas a welcome -- though somewhat surprising -- gesture. O.o

Jesus Day 2005

Hello dear readers.

Today was the day that Raphael, Benson, Renee, Hannah, Vivian and I were baptized. Thanks to the people at TJCAC, I'm sure the six of us can say that we were all deeply encouraged by the... well, the encouragements.
Okay, enough of the formal stuff. Thanks a lot guys, for everything you've given us. I mean, thanks for the books/cards/(insert random baptism gift), but more importantly, thanks for being like a huge, happy family.
Funny, I can't seem, for once, to think of something to say, so here's a pic (scanned off Moyee's card):

*thumbs up, passes out*

Tell Me What You See.

Crystal clear: the eyes that live in my head.
Eyes that will haunt my heart 'til I am dead.
Stars we saw as hands were clasped. Motionless,
Jaded, wounded, but are we potionless?
"I believe you're the love of my life.
Now, would you agree to be my wife?"

"Surely you have proven to me your worth,
Tell me, are your children for me to birth?"
Silence, for I knew that it was futile
To think that we'd love 'til we were senile.
"Well, find in my eyes the thought that fills me."
"Love, it is but a reflection of me."

"See? Need I make myself any clearer?
Now, to me there could be nothing dearer."

Yeah, you might have found this poem a bit familiar. That's because it's just a reworked version (with actually very minor tweaks) of this poem. Go figures.

info @ the P.Pole 12.21.05

yeah sorry guys, i forgot about the weekly issue of info @ the P.Pole.

5 things that bug me:

• loud people
  
• people not doing anything unless they think it will piss me off
• instructions on the back of shampoo bottles (we've been over this before)
  
• people who assume that i'm a stuck-up for being quiet
• when my music gets shut off without my consent

yeah, i'm a bit low on inspiration, so lyrics it is.

...
Until this empty place is filled, I’ll keep pretending.
Hey! Wait! Knock me down and I'll get up again.
Oh! Pain! A remedy that can erase your sting.
I'll keep holding, and I'll keep trying.
I feel this fight, it is slowly dying now but I feel painless...

These days and night blend into one,
But one more night is all I need.
Another chord from the symphony.
To float above the world for now,
To lose control is bliss somehow.
And wring the color from the grey,
Another chance to get away, oh.

...
All these reckless nights, have left me spinning out of control.
Is there not a cure for sorrow?
All these faded lights, have made me search for something more.
Will there be a new, tomorrow?

- Mae, Painless

The Everglow

So yesterday my day started at around 9 to 10 AM. I awoke to find a beautifully brilliant day awaiting me. That's the best way to wake up: when the sunlight filters through the drapes and the glowing light plays off your eyelids. Anyway, I didn't do much for the morning before leaving with Moyee for Mitchell's. We shopped around and I found the "Apathetic EP" that she was so desperately looking for -- it was actually pretty blatantly displayed, but she missed it x9999. I later spotted "The Everglow" by Mae, an album I thought I would not mind posessing at the time. Now, I am sure of it. I promptly bought it along with Moyee's Tse-Dee.

1. Prologue
2. We're So Far Away
3. Someone Else's Arms
4. Suspension
5. This Is The Countdown
6. Painless
7. The Ocean
8. Breakdown
9. Mistakes We Knew We Were Making
10. Cover Me
11. The Everglow
12. Ready And Waiting To Fall
13. Anything
14. The Sun And The Moon
15. Epilogue

This album, "The Everglow", is so amazingly good. It's chill without being boring -- Coldplay, I'm looking at you. The guy -- Dave Elkins -- sings very... prettily. It's got a bit of an unearthly air to it; it's hard to describe. Perhaps it's also because of the harmony of the keyboard dude, Rob Sweitzer. They like, harmony everything, which is fine by me. The lyrics are le ging, and I think I've found another band to become infatuated with. First it was... Linkin Park (when I was a kid). Then came a bunch of random crap. Then onto Pilate, and then TFK and Blindside. Relient K came sometime before, died, and then came back (once I heard the Anatomy album). Then just recently DCFC, and now Mae.

I'm hoping this one's more than just infatuation though. Only time will tell. I think I've finally found one to settle down with -- fits me quite nicely and I can see myself cherishing it for a long, long time.

And our hearts are on the Everglow. So just let go and fall into it. And our hearts are on the Everglow. Deep inside we both know it. Everything's hanging on this moment. And our hearts are on the Everglow. Every action makes a reaction. We'll figure it out and make it happen. And our hearts are on the Everglow. So just let go and fall into it.
- Mae, The Everglow

Everglow. Everglow. EVERGLOW.

She's so fly.

Check out le nouveau banner + les nouveaux random thingies around the P.Pole. All thanks to the one and only Moyee who drew out the letters and other symbols for my own usage (of her own free will, mind you). Talk about having nothing better to do. Hehe, what do I care?! I like how the P.Pole looks now. It's "sleeker" I think. Got rid of the messy hair banner and replaced it with a simple and clean one. I also got rid of the Arial Rounded font (the round kiddy one before) for Franklin Gothic Book. I've fallen in love with this font for some reason. I think this is a nice change from the old P.Pole.
Thank you Moyee.

Bah humhug me.

I hope it snows this week.
A snowflake on your cheek
Would make this Christmas so beautiful.
But that would just bring the pain,
'Cause things can’t stay the same.
These holidays won’t be wonderful.

I look under the tree,
But there’s nothing to see.
'Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me.
I can’t figure you out.
Is this what Christmas is all about?
'Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me.

I don’t want to talk;
I’m sick of all this talking.
A broken heart wrapped up in a box.
There’s tear drops in my stocking.

I look under the tree,
But there’s nothing to see.
'Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me.
I can’t figure you out.
Is this what Christmas is all about?
'Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me.

I hate Christmas parties.
You offer me some punch (but I just shrug).
I hate Christmas parties.
You and the cookie tray (both hear me say),
“Bah Humbug.”

I look under the tree,
But there’s nothing to see.
'Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me.
I can’t figure you out.
Is this what Christmas is all about?
'Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me.

- Matthew Theissen & The Earthquakes, I Hate Christmas Parties

A very sad song on a very (otherwise) cheery bonus disc of "Two Lefts Don't Make A Right, But Three Do". Thank you, Moyee, for lending me this pseudo-album. This song is pretty depressing and emo... but I'm posting the lyrics purely because it's just a really great song. Not 'cause I'm feeling that way.

Sometimes life gets cold. Not cold like when your fingers numb or when your nipples stand on end. XD I mean like getting snowjobbed in the nude/in your boxers (or briefs/hot pants/thong/underwear) kind of cold. You shiver and shiver, and that's Jesus' cue to hand you his warm coat. Then He hands you his sweater and snow pants. Next comes His turtleneck and mittens. Taking off his boots and rainbow woolen socks (that don't match, by the way -- He's funky like that), He hands these to you. Down to His wife beater and boxers, He looks at you. Both of you are standing there, practically nude. You go to start putting on the clothes when you realize that you're not shivering and neither is He. Strange, no?

info @ the P.Pole 12.13.05

3 things i've come to realize about God:

• He must be, contrary to common belief, the most youthful Being ever. Think about it, only infants and children have endless amounts of enthusiasm and joy, and only children can continually find pleasure and interest in what we the self-proclaimed "wise" and "practical" would claim as mundane. God is more like a young child (and this is not so hard to believe since God does not age or grow feeble).
• He is a Person, a living, breathing and most importantly speaking (meaning acting) Being. God doesn't sit back and let His Kingdom that Jesus spoke so fervently about is not something that is only coming. It's here, all around us, right now. I rather not believe in a God with promises for the future who doesn't have anything to say about my life here and now. So for all us Christians to live in complacency with our sinful lives makes no sense. Jesus as Sanctifier means He's doing something, now. Whether we see it or not, or how quickly we surrender to His will is another story.
• God is the single, most joyous Being ever. I liked Dallas Willard's** comparisons of man's pleasure to God's pleasure. Imagine the most beautiful, picturesque beach you. Now realize that God sees beaches like this, all of them on Earth and possibly on billions of other planets as well, all at once. He also perceives and appreciates the beauty of billions of galazies and nebulas simultaneously. it took us humans years to build telescopes to see just one of these at a time, and it still took our breaths away. "Now imagine that, but everywhere." (the fire dude from Fantastic 4)
  

Arthur gave me a good idea today. When someone proposes a "better" alternative (as in, their version of a world if they were God), run with the idea and have faith that God will prove through simple logic and analysis that there is no other way but God's. I'll remember that the next time I want to pull another "Please don't reduce my God to nothing more than a magic genie" moment. But hey, harshly formed ideas of God may require harshly formed rebukes.

** Dallas Wilard is the author of The Divine Conspiracy

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me

Hold me (hold me),
Never let me go until you've told me (told me),
What I want to know and then just hold me (hold me),
Make me tell you I'm in love with you.

Thrill me (thrill me), thrill me (thrill me),
Walk me down the lane where shadows
Will be (will be), will be (will be),
Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be (we'll be),
When you make me tell you I love you.

They told me "Be sensible with your new love."
"Don't be fooled, thinking this is the last you'll find."
But they never stood in the dark with you, love,
When you take me in your arms,
And drive me slowly out of my mind.

Kiss me (kiss me), kiss me (kiss me),
And when you do, I'll know that you
Will miss me (miss me), miss me (miss me),
If we ever say "Adieu", so kiss me (kiss me),
Make me tell you I'm in love with you.

Hold me, thrill me,
Never, never, never let me go.
Hold me, thrill me,
Never, never, never let me go.

- Clay Aiken, Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me

man, this song is so cheesy. Garry sent me this one -- his new wake-up song -- and i laughed when i heard it for the first time. it's so overly blatant with its lovey dovey -ness that i kinda felt sick after. you've really got to... hear it to know what i'm talking about. very mushy stuff. kekeke, funny. and you just know all this just goes the strong theory that Clay is gay. that rhymes.

Plans

This weekend, I plan on enjoying myself without the trivial distractions that I'm usually surrounded by. I plan on spending time just calming down and realizing that this is ultimately for my "good". I plan on using the least amount of words to convey ideas (only if I must) to others. I plan on dropping everything at hand to realize "His kingdom" which happens to be at hand.

'Cause all you see is where else you could be
When you're at home.
And out on the street are so many possibilities
To not be alone.

- Death Cab for Cutie, Your Heart Is An Empty Room

Today was a bad day, as much as I'd like to somehow see it another way to give God praise for it. Well, let's think now, shall **me?

I woke up groggy this morning, from lack of sleep + early wake up. It's tough to sleep with a guilty conscience. One (-) point.
My morning devotional was... actually quite good. Paul always knows just where it's at in terms of words and topics. He (God, not Paul) somehow manages to always make me read just what I need to read, to always remind of exactly what I have forgotten, to always know just the right words when no one else does to soothe me. God to me is like... (crude analogy ahead) lotion to my legs. There's two (+) points there (one for God speaking so clearly and one for Him giving me time to listen).
After, I left home in a mad rush (the rest of my family woke at 0730, when we usually leave at 0745). I sat a plain car ride to school. Well, God gave me that: a comfy ride to school in the mornings. That's a (+) point.
My school day started slow with science, where we spent time learning how to balance equations. I do not understand how it can take one human being so many words to teach so little. Retarded. And knowing me, if you don't capture me within the first moments, I could/usually lose focus/heart/attention/care. One (-) point for Mr. Zupo.
Silent reading time -- which I for one enjoy enormously -- came and went, during which I read my book, The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. Yet again, God totally proves Himself to be a living, breathing, and most importantly, speaking God. I read what He wants me to read. I get/undertand what He chooses to give/teach. Lovely, and for that, two more (+) points (one for Him continuing to speak regardless of my broken state and me being able to hear Him).
English class was not much better than science. Mostly boring: presentations not worth marks = garbage presentations. Basically, I pretended to listen while i listened to tracks on my brand-spanking-new mp4 (as dubbed by sister Moyee) player. That was fun, especially when I sat directly in front of the teacher (who moved to the desk behind me at the back of the class) and she did not care one bit. Ms. Abrakasa's a G. One (+) for her.
Lunch was... nothing special. Sat, ate and talked with Henry from english and french. Cool guy, funny, and pretty awkward. I also talked with Kishon, le Man. Then I proceeded with approaching Joceline, Brendan, and Alison (mixed, white, and white). Funny discussions, random thoughts, etc. One (+) for lunch-time chatter.
Math class was boring, but not that bad. We had a "quiz" where the teach'd give us each a sin/cos function with many transformations. I watched as kids graphed a separate line for each transformation. Some punk named Alexander was scoffing at the teach (Ms. Yeganegi) calling me up. She gave me an equation and I stared at it for a bit. Then, feeling the need to show that I am totally capable, I graphed it in one fell swoop (well, a downward one and then an upward one for one cycle of the sin function). Alexander didn't like that, but Ms. Yeganegi did. That's two (+) points, one for erking a jerk and the other for me saving time/energy/chalk.
And then there was french, where we didn't do much and I'd rather not recount what we did. Boring. That's three (-) points.
Took the bus home and chatted with Aathmika (Tamil girl who busses with me) about music and whatnot. Nothing out of the ordinary. That's a (+) point for the company, but a (-) for the long ride.
Got home and left shortly for Moyee's. Had some ging congee and a different, but tasty sandwich. It's kinda like my thing, to go over to her place and mooch her food. (+) one just for Moyee's food.
In the car ride to church, I showed previously mentioned Moyee my new little music gadget and she was wowed. Ging leh? Well, (+) for getting a ride to Hosanna. (-) for having to lug my bass over.
Worship was alright, but was kinda... hehe, let's just say there were moments. (-) for that.
The program tonight was really bad, I'm gonna be honest. My group was assigned to a section (to decorate) and a girls group decided to do it for us. Oh well, but then I spent the rest of the time playing with snow and moving funiture. What fun. Actually, it was kinda fun, the playing with snow part. I managed to hit Crystal in the tummy with a snowball. That was kinda cool but I felt a little twinge of regret after. And it made it worse when she told me after that it gave her stomach ache... Whoops. All in good fun. Three (-) for crummy program, two (+) for playing with snow/pegging Crystal, but then a (-) for giving her a tummy ache.
Nothing else to report here, so let's tally.

TOTAL:
(-1) + (+2) + (+1) + (-1) + (+2) + (+1) + (+1) + (+2) + (-3) + (0) + (+1) + (0) + (-1) + (-2)
= +2

Therefore, my day as a whole was good. Can you tell I'm bored? I hear it's amazing when the purple stuffed worm in flap jaw space does a raw blink on Hari Kari rock. I need scissors. Sixty-one!

Emo Lvl. 1/8 - info @ the P.Pole 11.05.05

today's the fifth, though yesterday was the fifth. it felt a bit like what a fifth might feel like (though i've never had one before so i wouldn't know for sure) yesterday (on the fourth), but today (the fifth) it feels like we're back at the first. perhaps the sixth on the fourth will feel like the first fourth of the sixth of the second thousandth. who knows? we'll just have to wait and/to see.

5 sets of lyrics that i must bold and strike from:

• Kill, break me down, bury me, bury me. I am finished with you. Look in my eyes, you're killing me, killing me. All I wanted was You.
  - 30 Seconds to Mars, The Kill
• Please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed. This wait for destiny won't do. Be with me please I beseech you. Simple things, that make you run away. Catch you if I can.
  - All American Rejects, My Paper Heart
• Make your decision and don't you dare think twice. Go with your instincts along with some bad advice. This didn't turn out the way I thought it would at all. You blame me but some of this is still your fault.
  - Relient K, Which to Bury; Us or the Hatchet (the damned hatchet, duh)
• The way that girl can break a heart, it’s like a work of art, and this is the worst part: she knows it.
  - Relient K, The One I'm Waiting For
• I cannot pretend that I felt any regret, 'cause each broken heart will eventually mend, as the blood runs red down the needle and thread. Someday you will be loved.
  - Death Cab For Cutie, Someday You Will Be Loved
  

EDIT: ng bei ah?! hah? chui ngor ah?! ^-^

Il faut lire prudemment

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pourquoi j'existerais.
Pour traîner dans un monde sans toi,
Sans espoir et sans regrets.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
J'essaierais d'inventer l'amour,
Comme un peintre qui voit sous ses doigts
Naître les couleurs du jour.
Et qui n'en revient pas.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi pour qui j'existerais.
Des passantes endormies dans mes bras
Que je n'aimerais jamais.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Je ne serais qu'un point de plus
Dans ce monde qui vient et qui va,
Je me sentirais perdu,
J'aurais besoin de toi.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Dis-moi comment j'existerais.
Je pourrais faire semblant d'être moi,
Mais je ne serais pas vrai.

Et si tu n'existais pas,
Je crois que je l'aurais trouvé,
Le secret de la vie, le "Pourquoi?"
Simplement pour te créer
Et pour te regarder.

- Joe Dassin, Et si tu n'existais pas

La traduction (pour les analphabètes):

And if You had never been,
Tell me, what would I live for?
To mope in a world without You,
Without hope and without regrets.

And if You had never been,
I would have to try to invent love,
Like an artist who sees his hands,
Painting the colours of the passing days
Who doesn't remembering them.

And if You had never been,
Tell me, who would I live for?
Strangers asleep in my arms,
Whom I would never love.

And if You had never been,
I would be naught but a blip
In this fleeting world;
I would feel lost.
I would be lacking You. [I would need You so.]

And if You had never been,
Tell me, how would I ever live?
I could pretend to be myself,
But I would be lying.

And if You had never been,
I believe I would have found the meaning of life,
The secret reason to live, the "Why?"
Simply to create You
And to adore You.

Aujourd'hui, notre prof nous a exposé à un peu de la culture français. C'était une chanson faite par un chanteur fameux aux années passées. La chanson n'était pas mal. En fait, je dois avouer que je l'aime un peu plus qu'un peu. Ce qui est bizarre parce que je n'aimerais pas la musique de cette époque normalement. Alors, je sais que tu n'aimes jamais le français, mais je voudrais que les paroles vont te toucher. En plus, je te souhaite du bonheur, ma chère. Après tout, il y avait cinq mois passés!

Thou hast named me true.

That's my last Duchess painted on the wall,
Looking as if she were alive. I call
That piece a wonder, now: Frà Pandolf's hands
Worked busily a day, and there she stands.
Will 't please you sit and look at her? I said
"Frà Pandolf" by design, for never read
Strangers like you that pictured countenance,
The depth and passion of its earnest glance,
But to myself they turned (since none puts by
The curtain I have drawn for you, but I)
And seemed as they would ask me, if they durst,
How such a glance came there; so, not the first
Are you to turn and ask thus. Sir, 'twas not
Her husband's presence only, called that spot
Of joy into the Duchess' cheek: perhaps
Frà Pandolf chanced to say, "Her mantle laps
Over my Lady's wrist too much," or "Paint
Must never hope to reproduce the faint
Half-flush that dies along her throat"; such stuff
Was courtesy, she thought, and cause enough
For calling up that spot of joy. She had
A heart . . . how shall I say? . . . too soon made glad,
Too easily impressed; she liked whate'er
She looked on, and her looks went everywhere.
Sir, 'twas all one! My favour at her breast,
The dropping of the daylight in the West,
The bough of cherries some officious fool
Broke in the orchard for her, the white mule
She rode with round the terrace--all and each
Would draw from her alike the approving speech,
Or blush, at least. She thanked men,--good; but thanked
Somehow . . . I know not how . . . as if she ranked
My gift of a nine-hundred-years-old name
With anybody's gift. Who'd stoop to blame
This sort of trifling? Even had you skill
In speech--(which I have not)--to make your will
Quite clear to such an one, and say, "Just this
Or that in you disgusts me; here you miss,
Or there exceed the mark"--and if she let
Herself be lessoned so, nor plainly set
Her wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse,
--E'en then would be some stooping; and I chuse
Never to stoop. Oh, sir, she smiled, no doubt,
Whene'er I passed her; but who passed without
Much the same smile? This grew; I gave commands;
Then all smiles stopped together. There she stands
As if alive. Will 't please you rise? We'll meet
The company below, then. I repeat,
The Count your Master's known munificence
Is ample warrant that no just pretence
Of mine for dowry will be disallowed;
Though his fair daughter's self, as I avowed
At starting, is my object. Nay, we'll go
Together down, Sir! Notice Neptune, though,
Taming a sea-horse, thought a rarity,
Which Claus of Innsbruck cast in bronze for me.

- Robert Browning, My Last Duchess

My Only Sunshine

Grey, grey skies. There was a scene, laid out before my eyes to feast upon, that was so captivating that I checked my pace and stopped to "smell the roses," in a sense.

The other night Dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed I held You in my arms,
But when I woke Dear, I was mistaken,
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know Dear, how much I love You.
Please don't take my Sunshine away.

I'll always love You and make You happy,
If You will only say the same.
But if You leave me to love another,
You'll regret it all some day.

You told me once Dear, You really loved me,
That no one else could come between.
But now You've left me, and love another.
You have shattered all my dreams.

- Jimmy Davis & Charles Mitchell, You Are My Sunshine

I like the cover of this song by Screeching Weasel. It is le sexy.