info @ the P.Pole 08.29.06

Which theologian are you most like?

You scored as Anselm
Anselm is the outstanding theologian of the medieval period.He sees man's primary problem as having failed to render unto God what we owe him, so God becomes man in Christ and gives God what he is due.

Anselm 100%
Karl Barth 67%
John Calvin 67%
Martin Luther 67%
Jurgen Moltmann 67%
Jonathan Edwards 33%
Charles Finney 33%
Friedrich Schleiermacher 33%
Augustine 33%
Paul Tillich 0%

So what exactly is it that we owe to God? In my opinion, it's obedience. Anyway, this quiz was kinda accurate, I guess. Anyway, click here to try it for yourself.

Prone to Depravity

I'm surprised I haven't posted earlier about David Crowder. He's like, the only artist of his trade (Christian worship music making) that I really enjoy listening to. Style points for his music -- though his freaky hair and beard are also quite... different. Anyway, this song is one of my favourites from him. Have fun. Click title for download.

I am full of earth; You are heaven’s worth.
I am stained with dirt, prone to depravity.
You are everything that is bright and clean,
The antonym of me: You are divinity.

But a certain sign of grace is this:
From the broken earth flowers come up,
Pushing through the dirt!

You are holy, holy, holy;
All heaven cries “Holy, holy God!”
You are holy, holy, holy;
I want to be holy like You are.

You are everything that is bright and clean,
And You’re covering me with Your majesty.

And the truest sign of grace was this:
From wounded hands redemption fell down,
Liberating man!

You are wholly, wholly holy;
All heaven cries “Wholly holy, God!”
You are wholly, wholly holy;
I want to be holy like You are.

But the harder I try the more clearly can I
Feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all.
And so this might could be the most impossible thing:
Your grandness in me making me clean!

Glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
So here I am -- all of me --
Finally! Everything!
Wholly, wholly, wholly!
I am wholly... Yours.

I am full of earth and dirt and You...
- David Crowder Band, Wholly Yours

EDIT: This song speaks of the unregenerate man, the human being that cannot, from within himself, create or attain any goodness because of his total depravity from God. In simpler terms, this songs paints a picture of a person who is hopelessly helpless, and is to be completely dependant on God's grace, mercy, and lovingkindness if he is to truly live in God's light. Human effort/willpower is a false crutch that will ultimately still fall far short of God's standard of perfection. This is not to say that we are hopeless, for we, those elected by name by God Himself (not based on merit or gold but based on His good pleasure alone), have been provided with the gift of grace to hope upon. It can only be taken hold of and realized when we, the sinful saints, are given the [fruit of the] spirit of humility by the Holy Ghost and come to terms with our true position in light of God. Seeing our sinful state, the just wrath of God that it deserves, and yet the saving grace of God unwaiveringly covering us in one moment is a humbling experience. By Christ's work alone, we can stand naked before God, just as we are, without shame or dread, for Christ is our pride and joy. Repentance should be the natural -- and really, only -- response from us after witnessing such love and kindness, and repentance is not complete until a change of heart and thus, action, has taken place. Amen!

Thou Art Mine

I just wanted to note this down right here and now before I go on with life and forget about what God has done for me within the last couple days. Here is a verse to think about for later (emphasis mine).

Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out.

Is there anyone around who can explain God?
Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
that God has to ask his advice?

Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;
Everything ends up in him.
Always glory! Always praise!
Yes. Yes. Yes.

- Romans 11:33-36 (The Message)

Yesterday, I got home from Hosanna Camp/Retreat and quickly wrote the post immediately before this. It was all about love languages. Guess what I was thinking about? Correct. And soon after, I had one of the worst experiences of -- I'm wary of saying "my life" since I have no idea what is in store later on or what I have already forgotten but anyway -- my life, equivalent to someone taking a rug you are firmly standing on (having been convinced that it was safe to stand on) and ripping it violently out from under you, only the rug was more like an entire chunk of your world. You must understand that this sickening feeling and its attached incident had swept me off my feet, as the turn of phrase goes, completely unawares.
You see, my previous night, as previously mentioned in the previous post, had been spent spilling my personal guts, and not just to God this time around. This led me to a certain feeling of closeness and intimacy with the spillee (I think it's pretty obvious who it is I'm talking about so don't make me make like a cudgel). Yet in answering a wandering question of mine yesterday, I was accidentally given the impression that I was only spinning stories in my head, rather than yarn for a lovely sweater-to-be. Well, I'm pretty sure you, my super empathetic readers, can feel my pain and anguish.
I promptly spent the next few moments panicking and extrapolating and nauseating over the aforementioned news. Questions exploding from me, I desperately grasped for clarification or confirmation (I sought the former over the latter in this case). God bless her, it turns out she answered... well, she answered a question I never asked (and hope I won't have to). It was just terrible timing and miry misunderstanding (both of which can tend to wreak havoc on me personally) that led to such a calamitous coincidence.
So yes, after all that had been cleared up, I was still feeling queasy as I'm sure anyone would after having been so soundly shaken up. Lacking any rest or peace inside myself, I besought it elsewhere, the only place I usually look for it (though I don't look for it often). Anyway, I was given much more than just consolation/encouragement. He actually didn't give me much consoling considering what I was squirming over. What I was given, however, was a remnider of who I am, where I stand, and where I am to find my worth and love. I do believe that it is in times such as these that God causes revelation within that leads to revolution without. I think [one of] the most important part of a vibrant and growing spiritual life is seeking and receiving (but not "unearthing" mind you) wisdom and understanding from God on high.
The reason I am about to digress a little to explain why "not 'unearthing'" is because it is a very serious lie that points towards a much deeper problem within the human heart. When talking about wisdom and little so-called "hidden gems" of the same, some people have encouraged others to go to the Bible to find and discover wisdom. This may seem as me being picky about words, but I think it is quite important to mean what I say and say what I mean. Anyway, I believe the whole "seeking to find" attitude is actually not the correct model of Christianity/diction. I simply want to point out that wisdom and revelation are given and instilled by God, and not found or discovered through intense scrutiny of Holy Scripture. That's not to say that extensive studying of the Scipture is not good -- in fact, only a rare few ever do so, and it ought to be a respected and valued discipline. I'm only saying that without God's revelation and intentional grace, dry dissection of Scriptures leads only to righteousness like that of the Pharisees.
I do believe that many times we tend to forget to seek from God the essentials of living and growing from the very/only place they come from. I can testify to living this proud and pseudo-self-sufficient life when I refuse to ask God to speak through the Bible, or refuse to ask Him for His will while interposing my own requests disguised as His upon Him. God will not be fooled (Gal. 6:7). I started thinking about all this when Perry explained to me his hate for "grocery list prayers" one night. It may seem like a bright and even humble idea to approach God with our requests, especially constantly. For that is the true mark of a dependant disciple, right? Wrong. One who understands the deeper meaning of dependance would not rely on his/her own incomplete understanding of present and future situations to pass judgement as to what is to be done and to make "appropriated requests" of God.
Let's say you ask for something that is in God's will. If your desires are aligned with God's will, I do believe that your request will be granted -- yet not because of your actual prayer, but because God was willing anyway. But let's say you ask for something that is not what God's will is. What happens then? If you later cause that which you requested to happen, would your prayer have been simply a self-fulfilling prophecy of sinful rebellion? Or what if God allows/makes provision for your request, even though it is not what He had planned for you. That is settling for much less than perfect at best. Finally, God may simply turn you down and not provide for your request, in which case one may be tempted to doubt the complete sufficiency/omnipotence of the Creator of this world.
It is ultimately prideful to approach God with an agenda and/or shopping list of requests, hoping that maybe if one asks enough or if one is lucky enough, God might actually grant a wish. Does that not remind you of how a genie works? Rub him the right way, ask for something with the right words, have faith that it can be granted, and wait. The humble approach (as God has caused me to understand) is to ask and ask and ask, but not for ourselves. Ask for His will to be done, for His kingdom to come, for Him to make himself manifest, for His beautifying of all things in His timing, etc...
Anyway, after that massive detour, I will continue with my original story. Yes, so to recap, I was feeling like treaded on carpet -- but to give her credit, she had not intended what I had interpreted -- even after clarification. I did not exactly feel consoled when I hit the sack. I did however wake up early to spend more time with God, this time listening for His will to be heard and watching for His face to be seen, both of which were requested for the night before. It came to me in two parts. I had been reading the later books of Romans since part way through last week, and I had been receiving small bits of conviction, comfort, and revelation in short spurts at a time. So the first part was shared with me during the reading of the Bible. The second part God had prepared for me to find/feel/experience/enjoylive off of throughout my wonderful day.
So now, within about three to five days, I've gone from dead to old to new to alive to elated to crushed to heartsick to dejected to lost to humbled to freed to... whatever I am right now. I think it's something like, the closest thing to being in love as imagined by me. The reason I say "the closest thing to" is because I don't ever want to rule out the possibility that an even deeper, richer, fuller love can always be found within God's endless grace. I do know that this has been the most in love I've ever been, and I can testify to the fact that love is most definitely not an emotion. It's easy to say God's love is not founded upon emotion, since God is truly that powerful, but it's harder to say the same about human love. I don't want to dare to say I love God, but if I do -- and it would be ever so imperfectly so -- I would just like to tell this very limited portion of the world (i.e. the few that actually read this far) about it.
I must clarify for you right now that I am not emotionally charged right now. It's not that I am feeling nothing at the moment. It is just that I am... not so much feeling, but... experiencing and knowing this deep deep love of God for me that won't ever be taken away, dulled by time; or leave, change for the worse, compromise, falter, or die. There is not a single person alive or object in creation that can distract His gaze or His attention. The wonderful thing about this love is that it can never ever be justified either, because it is completely without logical or legal reasoning. It has no sense, no rationality -- you know, basically a lot of that which we seriously overvalue nowadays -- behind it whatsoever. Since it cannot be earned and is not deserved, it cannot be lost through anything I do, think, or am, or anything else you can think of (Rom 8:38-39).** One can only wonder at God's love and grace, and ask as David Crowder does, "How could You be so good to me?!" (No One Like You).
God is good. God is infinitely, eternally, continually, perfectly, indescribably good. Amen.

** As a sidenote that relates from here back to the ripping of rug, I believe that that must be [at least somewhat] how it feels like when true love ends. I really do. Thankfully, I -- though not knowing the future -- believe and place my hope in the Only One who can make all things beautiful in due time, and hereby promise to patiently await the unveiling of His will and plan for us while fervently building what He commands us to build and loving how He calls us to love.

info @ the P.Pole 08.20.06

So I've been away at Hosanna Camp/Retreat for the past 5 days or so, and it was really quite fun and meaningful if you ask me. I finally got some quiet time where God could sit me down and very openly and honestly, though always gently, rebuke me. I needed that. I still do. I take it as a blessing to receive correction and discipline, since God only disciplines His own (Deut. 8:5). It wasn't all rebuking though; there was also a lot of encouragement and understanding as I was given lots of time just sitting and chatting with the best of friends. All in all, it was a good time of renewal and growth.

5 love languages in order of most to least preferred by me:

• Quality Time: As I had suspected, this one ranked the highest, meaning that I value spending time together ("together" always reads as "to get her" to me for some reason...) with my friends/special someone the most. It also means I enjoy and seek out deep discussions with my partner/friends. Flip it over and it can be read as I feel the most unloved or unappreciated when loved ones don't seek to spend time with me. I think that's pretty true.
• Words of Affirmation: Apparently, I like to express my feelings for others verbally. I think that that's not too far off as I always try and make it a point to ensure others know exactly how I'm feeling towards/about them (unless I think it would be foolish or rash to be totally honest). Conversely, this means that I need to hear that I am hearted, be encouraged, and be [re]affirmed frequently (which i think would be very nice actually). The test also says that hurtful comments or criticisms or whatever are the kind of things that would hurt very much. I'm not too sure about the last point, since I think hurtful words would hurt everyone, and not just people like me who value Words of Affirmation. But yeah, that's that.
• Touch: So this one is my middle-ground love language, and rightly so. I personally don't believe in basing a relationship between physical, spiritual, emotional, and all-round human beings on physical contact. However, I contend that it is in our God-given nature to seek out intimacy in terms of physical closeness with others. It's not the foundation or primary characteristic of any relationship in my opinion, but it does have its proper place and can be quite a -- dare I say -- touching aspect of a love life. A warm hug or well placed peck can speak volumes in my opinion. This love language is definitely not for n00bs though and should be used sparingly/with great care.
• Acts of Service: The test says that I don't really value help from others as a form of them showing me love. That's probably because I'm a proud person who likes to shrug off advice or help from others. On the other hand, this means helping others is not one of my preferred ways of showing my love for others. Even though I'd like to say I eagerly offer my help to others, I rarely do. Honestly, I am quite reluctant to help out, even just around the house. I will only help out or take initiative to go that extra distance if I am really out to impress someone. And by "go the extra distance" I mean doing the tiniest things like helping them to do [home]work as best I can, getting an extra tissue for them, or cleaning up after them. That kind of stuff I can always do, but I'm not always motivated to.
• Gifts: Lastly, I do not prefer to give/receive gifts to show/receive love. This one placing last might have seemed a little bit bogus around this time last year, but I think it really does belong near the bottom of the list. I'm not particularly big on giving or receiving gifts. Of the things I do receive from her, I notice that I treasure the fact that it's from her much more than whatever it may be. Hell, she could give me a rock with her name on it and I would love it. In fact, I remember a few occasions where I've received what others would deem as "random crap" from Crystal, and have loved (and kept) the "random crap" just because it reminds me of her/something to do with her. So yeah, I'm not really materialistic (Haha! I can't believe I just said that!) but I do kinda enjoy giving "inside joke"-like stuff and getting it too.

So yeah, those are the five love languages and how I scored. I was actually thinking a little bit about this topic throughout the camp/retreat to try and pin point exactly why I felt a certain way about certain things. Anyway, I think I might post some other things about camp/retreat later on, so keep your eyes peeled.

info @ the P.Pole 08.15.06

5 things about me that i doubt she likes:

• i'm very sloppy: look at my desk, my room, my bed (basically anywhere i happen to spend extended -- and sometimes not even -- periods of time)
  
• i can also be fatally obsessive-compulsive: i don't walk on the cracks in the sidewalk, in asphalt, or in tiles larger than 1' x 1', i will spend hours and hours tweaking insignificant details on things such as my blog's appearance and my keychains, i trim my fingernails even if i don't need to if they grow at different rates, i can't stand loose or hanging bits of dead skin around my nails/toenails (this sometimes even applies to those of others) and will either rip them off or fidget uncomfortably and then rip them off anyway, i clean my glasses the exact same way everyday (with some handsoap, submerging the nose-pieces in unlathered soap in the cracks between my fingers before lathering it up and cleaning the lenses between my right thumb and palm, then using the remaining soap to clean the two appendages before rinsing the entire thing in warm water by holding the glasses lengthwise along the stream to minimize water consumption), i "Sort By Name" my programs in my Start Menu "just to make sure" sometimes, the two carabiners (that's the proper name for those "metal clip things") i have on my bag are identical in regards to their make and text and actually reflect my two dominant personality traits which are green (my primary inquiring trait, which is why it's on the right strap, since i am right handed...) and blue (my secondary empathetic trait), all my mp3s that are part of albums are named according to the following template: "NA - AT TN ST" (where NA is the name of the artist, AT is a 4 letter acronym or short form of the album title, TN is the track number in two digits -- so one would be 01 and eight would be 08 -- and ST is the song title in full) so that i get my songs sorted by artists, albums, and track numbers when sorting by filename in Winamp, and also, i find lists sexually arousing (just kidding, but... well, kinda...)
• i tend to drone on about things that no one really cares about anyway
• in efforts to prove myself right, i will either incessantly spew evidence or repeatedly repackage past points as new ideas worth [re]considering
  
• i need a lot of motivation to do... well, pretty much just "stuff" in general, unless i'm passionate about it/there is some sort of external "incentive" *winks* (i'm just kidding, but seriously, that's an approach worth considering!)

this post was fun. time to go pack for camp and... not have a headache. bye now.

Easy

She said, "I've got to be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here."
And I said, "You must be mistaken,
I'm not foolin'! this feelin' is real!"
She said, "You've gotta be crazy!
What do you take me for? Some kinda of easy mark?!"

"You've got wits...
You've got looks...
You've got passion...
But I swear that you've got me all wrong!"

All wrong...
But you've got me.

I'll be true! I'll be useful!
I'll be your cavalier!
I'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you,
If you just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
This is wonderful as loving goes.
This is tailor-made!
What's the sense in waiting?

I said, "I've got to be honest,
I've been waiting for you all of my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane;
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

"You've got wits,
You've got looks,
You've got passion,
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

Tonight...
You've got me.
- Dashboard Confessional, As Lovers Go

Yeah, I've been listening to DBC lately, and it's supposed to be emo, but really it's got nothing on Bright Eyes. I'm liking this song, especially certain lines of the lyrics (ie. the mushy parts). I'm not really sure if this song applies... but hey, it's worth a shot, no?

Check it out via title-link.

Love Song

I have sung my songs of praise, thanksgiving on my lips,
Bowed low, and worshiped You.
But now I'm coming close, closer than before,
For the veil is torn in two.

Now that I am here with You,
There's no place I'd rather be.
Now that I have felt Your touch,
Make Your home in me!

I feel so safe with You, acceptance in Your voice.
You whisper tenderly.
You are my beloved, chosen one, my friend.
You're so precious to me.
- (Who sings this?), Make Your Home In Me

I realize this is a worship song, but don't you think it makes an awesome love song to a lover/spouse too? Then again, that's because all good worship songs are essentially love songs to God the Lover. But seriously, almost every line I could see myself saying to my wife (you know, the One that God will hopefully give to me to serve and protect years from now). Highly mushy material. I like it. ^ - ^
I don't actually have the song (so no download for now, sorry). It was part of the praise and worship set... technically last night. I liked the song a lot because it got me thinking about who I am called to be, which is both a part of Christ's bride and (hopefully) a God-fearing man/half third of a marriage. I've really got to get my act together. I will Dei gratia.

CSS Menu

So I spent a good deal of today working on the P.Pole's menu that you see at the right. You might not notice anything different from before, but I cleaned up the coding and actually got it to have sub-menus, as you will see in The.Boxed section. Now that I set it up like this, I can make sub-menus by adding new lists and no more tinkering. Awesome stuff, yes? CSS is quite interesting and clean, but hard to use if you don't understand it (like me a couple hours ago). I've learned a bit more, but I am far from good at it. Anyway, it was fun and now I split the months into years first, making the entire list much shorter so it can be viewed within one window frame. Lovely, no? At first, I made the drop down menu (only viewable with internet browsers that don't suck -- i.e. IE) to eliminate the clutter created by a huge number of links to posts by months combined with the various other links. Sooner or later, I knew I had to do something again, because the list of just months was getting too long, even when just by itself. That's why I separated it into years, but the second tier of lists wouldn't work with my previous set up (which can be described as "terrible" and "disgustingly messy" at best), forcing me to Google up a new way to do it. After a few hours of hardcore tinkering, you have what you see now. Looks the same as before, but much cleaner and versatile. It was worth it.

EDIT: Another 30 minutes of tinkering just now and it's now unbugged.

EDIT2: Okay, waking up this morning, I had an epiphany. Using the "z-index" attribute, I promptly reconciled my previous problem with the width of the menu forcing the list items to run onto the next line (like an ugly ugly word-wrap job). When made the menu width: 100% before, the text would not run over anymore, but the pop-outs (ex: post titles or links to sites) would either pop-out way too far off to the right, or when moving over them, the original menu items (ex: The.Now or The.Rest) would take focus over the pop-outs. This made me angry. So angry in fact that I decided to settle on function (working pop-outs) over form (ugly word-wrap). I didn't take time to stop and think WHY. Anyhoo, long story short, the pop-outs now have higher priority than the original items, meaning that I can make the menu width: 100% (no more ugly wrappage!) while having the pop-outs take focus. Finally, I believe it is over. Time to back up my CSS template.

info @ the P.Pole 08.10.06

5 things i wish i knew how to do:

• sing (properly)
• dance (properly)
• bass slap/spank/tap (properly)
• study (properly)
• read minds (properly)

now, it's time to guess what the word of the day is.
i really would like to be able to play "Salvation Is Here" the 1337 way come time for Hosanna/Aletheia Summer Camp, but it's looking unlikely (because i've no delay effect, meaning i'll be either playing at twice the speed to sound normal, or the actual speed to sound slow). i'm thinking it can be done, if only i knew how to slap/spank/tap my bass. while typing the end of that last sentence, i realized that i have yet to name my bass, and it's been pretty much a year since i got her... well, if anyone has any bright ideas, comment. it'll be much appreciated! *gives creepy smile* muuuuuch appreciated. *gives creepy wink*

Outside the Box

Now, I've just got a short post in mind, but it's quite an interesting one (I think). I've been considering some very unusual (IMO) ideas lately, and would just like to propose them to you guys here on the P.Pole.
I think nowadays, where young people are learning increasingly more about "romance" and "love" and whatnot, we find ourselves in an interesting age. Flings and instant "relationships" (if they can even be called that) are running rampant and so are what I like to call "heart-wrenchers" (where parts of hearts are torn out and thown into the Sea of Humanity).
So this is where we find ourselves, in a place where lovers are "forever" one day, yet nothing the next, where nothing is certain, where lovers are chosen, but ultimately destiny dictates, where emotions may change like the winds, where love can be bought, where lovers are traded for partners, and so on.
So where am I going with this? This is a light post and should be taken as such. I've just been wodnering about which is scarier, the thought that one could lose someone special within a heartbeat in our modern, instant-satisfant culture, or the thought that one's special someone now could very well be the one for now and forever.
It's an interesting notion, given that most young people in relationships at the moment would probably admit to entertaining some degree of fear for losing what I'd like to call "today's-significant-other", yet I would almost be tempted to bet money that over half have never thought, "What if he/she is the one I'll marry X years down the road? What kind of spouse would he/she be like? What kind of parent would he/she be like? What kind of lover would he/she be like?"
Take it one step further and you'd start wondering like this: "Would I make a good husband/wife? Would I be a good -- nay, great -- example for our children? Would I even know where to start loving someone as myself?" It's one thing to seek out a great spouse. It's another to seek to become a great spouse.
And then this led me to start thinking about what a great spouse would be like -- I was careful not to put "look like". Anyhoo, it's a little bit out of my league to be thinking about this kind of stuff, but hey, I don't think it hurts to think things through (or at least thoroughly).
It's a bit of a strange experience, finding yourself contentedly satisfied with someone, yet feeding the deep urge to march forth -- rather than staying where it's already safe -- is the only way to deepen that satisfaction. I believe that love is found by going on adventures, not by sitting and waiting for it to find you, unless that is your adventure. Nah, I just threw that last one in to mess with your heads. Or did I? O.o