It's about time!

So I've been reading Wild At Heart by John Eldredge which basically talks about rediscovering what it means to be a man as God intended. I came upon this part half-way-ish through the book, where it talks about sabotaging our own God-given masculine strength. Just read the extract (emphasis not added).

Carl is another young man whom the ladies seem to find especially attractive. I am astounded what young women will offer when they are famished for the love and affirmation they have never had from their fathers. They will throw themselves at a man to get a taste of being wanted, desired. Carl came to me because his sexual activity was out of control. Dozens upon dozens of women offered themselves to him and each time he gave in he felt weakened; his resolve to resist was less the next time around.
Things began to change for Carl when he saw the whole sexual struggle not so much as sin but as a battle for his strength. He wants to be strong, wants it desperately, and that began to fuel his choice to resist. As à Kempis said, "A man must strive long and mightily within himself, before he can learn fully to master himself." Carl and I spent hours praying through every one of those relationships, confessing the sin, breaking the bonds sexual liaisons form between two souls, cleansing his strength, asking God to restore him. He did, and I am grateful to say those days are over for Carl. It wasn't easy, but it was real; he is happily married now.**

Today's lesson: It both rocks and kinda sucks to have your name used in a published piece of work. It's kinda funny to me because, well, it's my name! I'm not about to explain or elaborate for fear of who might be reading this (the Internet isn't quite as private as I'd like sometimes), and how said persons might interpret things. I'll just say that this extract's Carl is somewhat analogous (and I don't mean [just] the part about girls totally digging me, even if it is for all the wrong reasons). *wink wink... nudge nudge... cough cough... cough blood cough blood... choke choke... gasp gasp... die die*
But seriously, the book is great and quite... well, meaningful. I suggest anyone who has a pair (literally) to read it.

** Have we all heard "Question" by Rhett Miller or do I need to post up that one too? It makes me feel like proposing and stuff. Uh, yeah.

TWSS

TWSS stands for "that's what she said," a sexual innuendo (in your endo!) joke made popular in my own social circle by the TV show "The Office". Basically, when someone says something that can be interpretted as something a girl would say to the speaker in a sexually charged sense. It's quite versatile and useful for impressing the guys or disgusting the ladies.

Note: TWSS reminds me of TCW (i.e. "tasty coma wife"), which is from Scrubs (another show that is watched by my friends and I).

Click title for an example of the TWSS joke in action.

info @ the P.Pole 06.27.06

5 recent happenings:

• I got owned by Crystal
• I watched Avatar episodes and Serenity at my cousins' (Herman and Sherman) house with Moyee
• I went to the Science Centre
  
• I watched Nacho Libre with Moyee and Karmel
• I had a scary dream

Yeah, I went to the Science Centre 'cause I'm supposed to get to know the place before I work there, though I really don't think it worked. Oh well, it was kinda fun anyway.

EDIT: ZOMG I'm going to miss Crystal.

Open 24/8

Ooh I need your love babe,
Guess you know it's true.
Hope you need my love babe,
Just like I need you.
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
Ain't got nothin' but love babe,
Eight days a week.

Love you ev'ry day girl,
You're always on my mind.
One thing I can say girl,
I love you all the time.
Hold me, love me, hold me, love me.
Ain't got nothin' but love babe,
Eight days a week.

Eight days a week,
I love you.
Eight days a week,
Is not enough to show I care.
- The Beatles, Eight Days A Week

Alright, fine, I'm sorry, but this song is catchy! And besides, it's mushy and... yeah. I thought it was time for a cheery/light post, so there.

Click title for tune.

What a woman!

A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
- Proverbs 31:10-30, The Message

Anyhoo, I posted this up just because I was interested in finding out what the Bible says about women. I understand that the list of things that the woman does here in this list are pretty stereotypical and aren't exactly true for modern woman... But I do also understand that God (specifically, Jesus) taught with examples where the principles taught are to be applied and not the actual example.
This means that we could just as easily exchange stuff like surveying and buying fields with surveying and buying some huge family purchase (like a house). What's taught with this example is that she ought to be discerning and she ought to buy knowing full well what she plans on doing with the purchase. In the example, the woman surveys land, and buys it with money she has saved up: she's not a compulsive spender. She's calculated and planned the purchase. And then she plants a garden, which shows that she had something good (and fruitful) in mind for whatever she spends money on.
About making her own clothing and dressing in colourful silks and linens, I personally think this is referring to her creativity. Humans were created by a Creative Creator, and so it's natural that we would also be creative beings. A woman who is aware of this and is always thinking of new ideas on old issues and new ways of doing old tasks would be a joy to be around, as she would constantly be refreshing and fun to be around. Also, dressing in colourful linen and silks could be interpretted as simply, she knows how to dress. It's fact that women are obviously the fairer gender. Knowing how to dress for the part (but not immodestly) would show that she is aware of her femininity (it's an actual word!) and that she isn't afraid of it. Instead, she plays on her strengths. She knows that she's attractive, and dresses in a way to enhance the beauty that's already there, but doesn't flaunt it necessarily. Again, I think the principle here is that she is aware of who she is (a creative female creation of God) and lives in a way that brings it out, ultimately glorifying her Creator by doing so.
There are also other things the woman in the passage does, which are considered very mother-like, such as preparing breakfast for her family, mending clothing, and helping/assisting others. These all represent personality traits that people (not just women) should have -- of course, these are traits that happen to be more generic/usually expected for women. Getting up early and preparing breakfast for her family shows that she is willing to sacrifice her own comfort (beauty sleep time!) for the good of her husband and children, and that she nurtures them. Mending clothing represents womankind's natural instinct, ability, and talent for mending what has been broken or torn apart, be it shirts, pants, socks, hearts, and relationships. Women, pretty much by birthright, are much more in tune with the emotions and interpersonal dynamics than men. This means they are much better sympathizers and more understanding when it comes to emotional and relational issues, and I'm sure God intended for this. I really doubt that humanity could survive and tear itself to bits if wives/ mothers/ girlfriends/ girl friends weren't around to soothe and comfort hurting people. Lastly, women have the God-given instinct to mother and help others -- it's in their nature to want to help people in trouble, to shelter scared children, to share the work load. Girls are motivated by teamwork whereas boys are motivated by competition. If all people acted like guys, we'd be living in a world not too unlike the wild (you know, survival of the fittest, if I hurt my foot, ow, I can't run, a lion eats me).
One important thing to note is that the Bible specifically refers to a woman who has meaningful words to say (she has wisdom) and says them kindly (she is wise). What we're talking about here is a woman whose words are constructive, insightful, and worth paying attention to. There's no mention of senseless babble or small talk, though those have their righful place in life as well (IMO). We're also talking about a person who is gentle and soft, never harsh or cutting when dealing with others. It truly is hard to find people who are genuinely kind and peaceful 24/7. I think these traits (wisdom in the intellectual sense and wisdom in the practical sense) are important to both sexes, and not just women. Men need to learn to be gentle and tender with women, since they are after all, ladies, and women need to be such people as well, because, well, after all, they are ladies.
Among other things that the passage talks about, an important point is that it mentions many times over the woman and her work. It talks about designing, making, and just her working at various tasks. It also states that she knows where the value of her work lies. I'm assuming back then, the woman of the house would do all the things women have traditionally done up until the last century: cook, clean, mend, and wash. These chores might seem pretty menial, and they are, but I believe that the passage discusses this to bring up a deeper truth. With a little bit of free-thinking, we can see that, in the grand scheme of things, pretty much 90% of everything we do in the temporal realm is pretty quotidian. Day in and out, the doldrums are quite a common place to live. Yet the Bible notes that she knows where the values at. Where is that exactly? Well, if we assume this woman in question as described by God Himself in the Bible to be a God-fearing woman, we know that she is working and living for more than just "getting by". She's busily and productively (as stated in the passage) working away at these tiny and seemingly insignificant task, all in full knowledge of the fact that both the spectacular and mundane have been established by God. She does everything with the goal of glorifying God with her body, mind, soul, and all the other parts of her life in mind. This woman has one singular purpose in life: to make God happy. Whether she's washing dishes or raising God-fearing children, she's committed and motivated to produce that which is well-made and elegant before God.
What does a beautiful woman like this receive? In this life, she deserves the honour, respect, and love of her husband and children. Her children speak lovingly of her; her husband chimes his agreement. She's cherished and loved by all. In fact, god says to "Give her everything she deserves!" because, well, she deserves it. She lives a life of humility, honestly, creativity, diligence, gentleness, wisdom, and lovingkindness. Surely, she deserves the world! What about in the non-temporal realm? Well, for one thing, she has received one of the highest honours receivable by humankind: she is considered admirable and worthy of praise in God's own eye. She has His approval, His personal stamp of "A+". Surely, that's worth much more than any kind of showering of presents and gifts (that she more than deserves anyway) she might receive here on Earth! The word used here is "festoon", which means something along the lines of "decorate heavily". In my mind, festoon makes me think of totally smothering in gifts, bouquets of flowers, ribbons, confetti, etc... Imagine a tiny pebble sitting under a dumptruck's worth of dirt. That's what her life should be like, completely smothered and drowning in praise and gifts. That's what God says, and I'm pretty sure He's not using hyperbole here.
All in all, like it says at the start of the passage, a woman (or person in general) with this kind of character, degree of goodness, and fear/love of God is very very rare, even more so than a brilliant diamond. The Bible draws a nice little metaphor here, between a [godly] woman and a precious diamond. Both start off in the rough, and look nothing like what they can be metamorphed [by God] into (I remember my geography and science classes: diamands are formed from coals that are compressed under extreme pressure and heat, making them metamorphical rocks/minerals). Both are beautiful when refined and polished. Both start off with great potential that may or not be realized depending on what happens. Finally, both take a great deal of time and hard work -- pun intended -- to grow and change into their dazzling final forms.

So why did I write out this huge piece about women? Because, the other day my friend said that I don't respect women, and you know what, I'm sad to say that I really don't.** I've never taken the time to really sit down and ponder what it takes to be a good woman; how much less think about what it takes to be a godly woman! I haven't taken time to ponder and realize the immense value of women. Sure, girls have pretty faces, but the people behind the skin and flesh are so much more beauteous and make up much more of the person's actual worth. You can have a beautiful woman without a beautiful face, but you can't have any woman without a soul. It makes me angry to witness the double standard the Western society has placed -- more like forced -- a double standard on women. Society dictates that women's worth lies in her physical appearance only, yet when girls dress to impress, they are called whores and sluts. That is so messed up. How come no one values things that deserve to be valued? What ever happened to honouring a gentle and meek spirit? What about a warm heart? What about a nurturing attitude? Well, writing up this analysis of the Bible's take on what a beautiful woman really is has strengthened old views and shown me some new ones too.

** In my defense, I had replied, "They're important -- and not just for reproduction!" but I had not gone any further than that.

Google Desktop

Okay, so maybe it wasn't the wisest thing to wake up at 5:00 AM today, the day of my History and Economics exams (two subjects in which I think I need to do well/better in). But really, it was either get up and do some stuff or lay there and freeze/starve myself to death. My room is freaking cold, and my stomach was freaking empty.
Anyway, like my title suggests, this post has some higher significance. As a self-professing Google advocate, I'm here to propagate one of Google's other products: Google Desktop. What is it? Basically, it's an extra sidebar that is so full of amazingly cool features and plug-ins that you can coordinate crap loads of stuff from this one place. It's hard to describe, but to list the things I have on mine right now, I've got the generic searchbar (with the bonus that it can search up indexed files within my own computer as well!), a system monitor (that keeps me updated on my computer's performance), my Google Talk client (leave it to Google to make sure their products are fully compatible with one another), ShareIt which is like GoogleTalk's version of filesharing software (only it's not crap and unstable like MSN's), my Gmail account client (that indexes and updates my emails to show me past emails and any new ones that come in), Google Soccer (which helps me keep track of match scores and stats of teams that I've picked -- I'm rooting for Argentina and Germany by the way), and... weather. -_- Okay, so the weather plug-in isn't exactly "hip" but hey, it's useful.
Google Desktop does have a few shortcomings, however, being a beta and all. It seems to have a bit of trouble getting along with desktop wallpapers, as it displaces my background image upon start-up and needs correction each time. I'm not sure whether that's just the way it is or it is caused by my use of other programs to change my desktop settings... O.o I corrected it with some tinkering and it's fine now. Another thing about it is that the indexing of files and emails takes one hell of a long time (especially if you, like me, have a lot of stuff). I think it took Google Desktop approximately 1 hour to index all my stuff, simply because it only indexes while the computer is idle, meaning, yes, it won't slow your computer significantly while indexing, but no, it won't do anything while you're working on things. I also find the customization of the actual sidebar to be quite limited (as is Google's style). It's understandable that Google wants to keep the clean and tidy look (which is why, I'm assuming, Google Talk does not allow personalization of text), but even some of the purely ergonomic settings like placement and orientation of the sidebar are quite limited.
All in all, it's worth trying out to see if you could find a use for it. Personally, I think it's a pretty neat way to organize a multitude of stuff into one simple and relatively easy to use program. Now, I'm off to prepare for my exams (i.e. shower and get changed).

Click title for ware.

EDIT: My exams are officially over, as is my year of Grade 10. And just like this year, the exams were surprisingly easy. T'was alright, none-too-special, see you later, yeah right, sleep time-ish. I made some pretty amazing likes and one or two queer dislikes. All in all, very worthwhile but I'm glad it's over. Nothing to bug me for 2 whole flipping months. Can you say w00t?

It's time we parted...

I faintly remember yesterday,
Oh so close yet far away.
From the lives that we once etched in stone,
Who would think that it would last.
Please just give it one more chance.
"Forever" is a word that only grows.

And never in this saddest moment
I feel we're letting go.
And if You take me, please don't leave me.
I'll never let You go.

This is "Goodbye"
'cause we're growing older.
This is "Forever" in the words you never said.
This is "Goodnight"
'cause we're growing colder.
This is the last time I'll kiss your lips (again).

I close my eyes,
All I think about is You.
I miss the girl that I once knew:
A sleepless night...
A dying wish...
Please don't leave me here like this.
- Amber Pacific, The Last Time

So this is my feeble yet definite attempt to showcase my resolution (once again) to divorce myself from my ways, in hopes of making myself available for Christ. Of course, any attempt to do so without Christ's enabling grace is a complete waste of time, and I realize that. I'm fed up with the way I am, and aspire to be more. In the words of Oswald Chambers, we must not get caught up in "paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something you have never been."

Click title for tune.

EDIT: [GOD]OTZ - How life was meant to be lived.

info @ the P.Pole 06.19.06

3 reasons fire is good:

• it can be used to cook meat, and who doesn't love meat? i love meat. you probably love meat. lions and tigers (and ligers) like meat. ligers can't be wrong. even vegans love meat indirectly (they're made of it). therefore, everyone loves meat. if everyone loves meat, and fire is a complementary good to meat, everyone must love fire as well. they are partners in the sweet sweer crime of meating the needs of all society.
  
• it is hot. i don't know about you, but i love hot. yes, it's true, i love hot because... well, because hot rocks. so many good things are hot. the sun is hot, and we'd die without it. just ask any photosynthetic organism, and he/she/it will testify to the sun's hotness and thus, goodness. ovens are hot. they are also where many deliscious things are conceived and from which are born. coincidence? i think not. if so many hot things are good, how can fire (which is also hot to a certain degree) be bad?
  
• it can be made with zippos. last time i checked, zippos are cool. they can be used by both smokers and non-smokers alike. why do people smoke? simple: smoking is cool. no one would smoke if it wasn't cool. why do people not smoke? simple: not smoking is healthy, and a person's healthiness is directly related to their coolness as well. you've never heard of a sickly, pale, and dangerously frail person being a celebrity before, have you?** since everyone falls into these categories of either smoker or non-smoker, or healthy and unhealthy, we can rightfully say that zippos are for everyone cool. and cool things (such as zippos, celebrities, weapons, and cell phones) are good. if zippos (which are cool) are good, then fire must also be good, since zippos birth fire.
  

** Exceptions include: Steve Buscemi, Keanu Reeves, crack-whore Angelina Jolie, and Michael Jackson

so, i just did my french exam today for FSF 3U7 (Grade 11, university branch, IB level french). it was an hour and a half long, and it took my just under that to finish it. i spent a good 5 minutes checking my paper over before handing it in. i went into the exam with a 91% average for the course, which is pretty good for a semester of doing not too much and listening to my Creative Zen Micro (not to blow my own horn or anything). i had a crummy average at mid-semester because well, my french mark wasn't quite as hot as i would've liked (88%), my civics mark was a bit dirty for a course such as civics (87%), and my economics mark was... well, actually decent, given that it was one of the highest marks in my class (89%). i actually got a 92% in history last term, but i have a sneaking suspicion that Ms. Quejada gave everyone high marks to disappoint them more later on. since then, i think my economics mark has been either improved or held steady. careers (instead of civics, as these two courses last only half-semesters each) should be much better (i'm hoping my final project will impress Ms. McAdams so much that she'd give me a 100% instead of... 90 something). french, like i said, has improved, and history has dropped by 6 percent.
as things stand now, i've got 2 exams (of my total 3 exams) left, and both are on wednesday (one at 9:00 AM and one at 12:30 PM). i can get a maximum of 90-ish as my total if i get perfect on my history exam (i'm going in with a 71/80%, and the exam is worth 20%).. highly unlikely. i'm expecting something along the lines of low to mid 80's as my final mark. the economics exam should be easy, as there are 80 multiple choice questions. then again, my teacher (Mr. Messere -- pronounced "Mister Misery") is the tricky type, so i'm not too sure what to expect. anyway, since i've got the rest of today and all of tomorrow to not study, i'm going to do just that for the next 42.5 hours.

The Nicene Creed

We believe in one God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds, God of God, Light of Light, Very God of Very God, begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father by whom all things were made; who for us men, and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the Virgin Mary, and was made man, and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate. He suffered and was buried, and the third day He rose again according to the Scriptures, and ascended into heaven, and sitteth on the right hand of the Father. And He shall come again with glory to judge both the quick and the dead, whose kingdom shall have no end.

And we believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord and Giver of Life, who proceedeth from the Father and the Son, who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified, who spoke by the prophets. And we believe one holy catholic and apostolic Church. We acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins. And we look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. Amen.

Note: the Nicene Creed was recited awhile ago, and it was latent in my mind until now. For some reason, I felt the urge to post it here. Perhaps this will find a use for someone browsing through?

Farewell to Janet

Click the title for a video I've been working on for most of today for a friend (Janet) from school who will be changing schools... It's not exactly... good, or anything, but hey, we whipped up all the footage within pretty much 15 minutes (and that's including "scripting" time and whatnot). Check it out, all of you. And if you like Youtube, it is also up there (click here).

I forgot to mention...

...this one last note to put down for this week's info @ the P.Pole list...

1 more thought on this year:

• Sometimes the one thing craved is the one thing lacking, and it doesn't matter how abundant substitutes are -- however similar or attractive. I think a lot of the time, people in general want what they have never had. Rarely do people crave, receive, then remain satisfied. Oh covetous hearts, why must you stray? By the same token, remaining in a state of constant and persistent craving for a specific thing is very hard to do when there are viable and seemingly more enjoyable substitutes practically throwing themselves at you. It's a matter of resolution vs. provocation, I guess.

On another -- not exactly unrelated -- note, today proved to be a very... stressing/trying last day of grade 10. I'm assuming that certain things happened or were proposed because of hormones that are out of whack (and I'm not talking about mine). Things went as usual and I responded as I do normally whenever I'm confronted with these kinds of things at school. I'm not too sure what I'm trying/going to get across -- through such an impersonal and totally not intimate setting such as the Internet -- with all this at the moment... Anyway, now's not the time and here's not the place.

Bert

So I had nothing to do for 2 minutes. That's why I took the quiz thingy I found "elsewhere". Here's where my eyes go shifty and all. Anyway, I'm like Bert, apparently (in his described attributes and not like, in his sexual orientation or anything).

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you.

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil.

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others.

About passion, I'm finding more and more that I'm a very extreme person, not so much in what kind of sports I do or whatever but more in how I see things. I'm usually intensely for or against something. And that goes even for things I'm ultimately undecided on. I can find pros and cons for something, and be totally indecisive about what that means as a whole, but I'll still usually be totally for or totally against the actual pros/cons. What does this all mean? I dunno, I guess I find it hard to be lukewarm or whatever in my beliefs. Being caught on the fence isn't something I would enjoy. Not only does it translate into a certain kind of weakness IMO, it's also pretty uncomfortable to have a plank of wood in my crev-ee-ese. Yeah, just some random rambling before I go off to bed.

Roleplay

The following is an extract from The Gutter by Craig Gross (co-founder of XXXchurch.com).

In the days of the Bible, the ones who didn't like Jesus weren't the uchurched or irreligious ones. They were the religious. The Pharisees. The so-called church folks were the ones that despised Him. The Christians, though the disciples didn't call themselves that at the time, followed Him. The religious hated Him, and the unchurched hung out with Him whenever He was in town.
The groups. Two sides. With Him or against Him.
The unchurched embraced Him then, but they don't now. So when did this spiritual reversal occur? When did the "lost" change their position? They didn't. We did. Christians did. Somewhere between the time Jesus ascended into heaven and now, we Christians, the walking billboards for Jesus' life-changing power, have done a lousy job of maintaining His momentum. Those who despise Him now advertise for Him. And it's all because Christians changed.
God didn't change. Jesus didn't change. His people did. At one point, the God who embraced the gutter was well represented. Jesus walked the streets and took authentic love with Him -- all the way to the gutter. Wherever He went, the unchurched responded while the religious scorned.
Fast forward two thousand years and now the reverse is true. Many Christians work endlessly to provide an authentic example of Christ's unfailing love. But often their message of Hope is corrupted from the outside by an overzealous Pastor Bible-type character who refuses to see people through love rather than law. When those who are "lost," or as I like to call them, "pre-Christians," see this judgmental display, they turn off their ears, and Christianity becomes unbelievable.
In the mid-'90s, dc Talk released its big hit record, Jesus Freak, and while I in all my coolness have a difficult time admitting this, I kinda liked it. I especially liked the song "What If I Stumble," mainly because of the quote that precedes the song. [...]
"The greatest cause of atheism today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That's what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
Ouch. Hypocritical Christians have destructive effects -- that hurts to hear. But while it's painful, in many cases, it's also true. Instead of loving and embracing those with a different spiritual opinion, we throw rocks at them to tear them down and elevate our position. Usually, the ones slammed with rocks are the ones who need Jesus most.

This book has been very convicting up until now (p. 91/156). Makes me feel like crap to realize what kind of a hypocrite I am. But God came and saved even the worst of sinners (like the one typing this out right now) so praise Him. That's something else this book reminded me of: the fact that my God is greater than "my" world, that His love for me is greater than my lack of love (relatively, I hope) for Him. It's easy to claim that God loves me, but claiming that I love God (meaning that I obey His instruction really, because that is really the only measure of a human's love for God) is quite a lot harder. I honestly admit that from what I know of my character (if it can even be called that), I do not love God. Not enough. Never enough. Anyway, this book discusses very sobering and humbling stuff. It's a great, down-to-earth read.

info @ the P.Pole 06.12.06

okay, so it's the end of the school year (well, last week for me anyway). here's a quick list before i get cracking on my few things to do before... soon.

5 thoughts on the year:

• i learned a lot this year, especially about my likes and dislikes. i think i've added more to both lists in this year than i have in any other year in the past.
• grade 10 was surprisingly easy, and the insane line-up i had (with my 4 IB main academic staple courses in one semester and then the "less demanding courses" of grade 10 in the second) didn't turn out that bad. i think my pure academic semester -- with english (fun and easy times with Ms. Abrakasa), french (skipping Ms. Jhurry's class with volleyball games), science (which was quite light and fun with Mr. Zupo), and math (with Ms. Yeganegi, again, which i enjoyed since she is a pretty good teacher) -- was a lot more interesting and thus, easier, than this semester, where i have stuff like civics (which was lame because the teach, Ms. Akram, was afraid of controversy). careers (which was hilarious because Ms. McAdams let Shivon, Pradeep, and i get away with hell), economics (which was pretty interesting throughout with the wise-cracking cynic called Mr. Messere), french (skipping more of Ms. Jhurry's classes with badminton), and trash like history (you know the deal).
• i think Shivon, Kishon, and i are pretty good friends, given that we've stayed buddies since last year's first semester, period one, day one class of geography (with the insane and kooky Mr. Coram). we don't really have many classes together (i had one with Shivon, and two with Kishon, and that's for the entre year's 8 courses), but we still hang out and whatnot. Kishon's a real joker who's always up for some random shouting in class, and Shivon is the loud-and-foul-mouthed raving lunatic type that you'd love to have as a friend because really, he just makes good company. i believe we all need a Shivon in our lives.
• this year i actually got involved with school stuff, which is surprising as i had more "church stuff" to do this year than i had last year. i really don't know why i didn't do anything last year. maybe it was the minor-niner syndrome. that, or i was just too lazy. either way, this year i've done lots more. things i did include: junior boys volleyball, varsity co-ed badminton, and... well, i'll hopefully make it onto the yearbook committee for next year. okay, so i didn't do like, a million things, but it is a step up from last year's goose egg. and besides, i've got other stuff to attend to.
• other stuff such as the aforementioned "church stuff". though my personal opinion about church stuff has changed a bit (for the better, i believe), it has been quite a lot of fun and hard work. by God's grace, the Easter Drama was pulled off in an alright manner, along with the Christmas play/skit. there has been a lot that's been going on and that will be going on throughout the summer, but i'm a little bit apprehensive about getting involved in everything at once. i'm not saying "serving" isn't important -- believe me, i am totally for it. i'm just saying that sometimes we Christians go about it all wrong, and i'm just getting more aware of that. sometimes, with the way i work with others, you'd think i was just cheap (actually, free) labour and not a Christ-follower who is working in and for God's kingdom. so unless i'm sure i'm doing something because 1) God has called me specifically to that and 2) my motivation is to bring God glory, i'll be turning "serving" stuff down. maybe i'm just getting less naive.
• i think all in all, this year's been pretty good. actually, no, this year's been great! sure, there are some fun times and some unfun times, but "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him [however feebly], who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) so yeah, with a promise like that, how can anything, whether "bad" or "good", be truly bad? or just good, for that matter? life is great. it's just a matter of seeing past the present. that's not to say i've got a lot to complain about, mind you. i'm young. i'm pumped. i've got a great summer ahead of me. i've got so much, and above all, i've got a God and Savior who i has called me out of the dark. called me to what? well, He's called me to the same thing He's called everyone of His children to. to paraphrase John Piper, [wo]man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him. that's a single term. we glorify God by enjoying His company and fellowship and lordship and leadership and friendship. we enjoy God by glorying in and about Him, marvelling at His being and personality and everything about Him that makes Him infinitely good. i think many times i fail to do this, to bring Him glory by the way i speak, think, act, and live. then again, i am only human, and God has been faithful and compassionate throughout, as He has been since forever, and will be for eternity. it's all part of living and learning. i think God's ready to turn over a new page in my life's book. oh, my brain salivates at what may lie ahead for us all in the near (and distant) future! delicious!

yeah, that last little part came off pretty optimistic to me when i read over it again, and that's very fitting of how i'm feeling right now, at 5:00 PM on June 12, 2006, in front of my desktop, about to do my pile of work. did i say this was going to be short? sorry, i didn't mean for it to be so long. then again, it's not long when you compare it to say, a book. okay, digressing now. that's it, my final info session for the school year of 2005-2006. merry Christmas, and to all a good night.

note: this is completely unrelated (well, pretty much), but click on the title for a screen capture of my current "theme". i'm using Windowblinds for my pretty OS X (in red). that is Winamp open, skinned with my own Larkamp skin (which is an altered version of Jovic's DeepSun skin). at the bottom right, you'll find the handy RK Launcher that i use instead of any icons (as you'll see they're missing from my desktop). the icons for the launcher are characters and objects from the Azuzephre series, tinted by me. the background is one constructed by me from creatures by Andrew Bell from the Creatures In My Mind. as you can clearly see, i've got my Firefox open, and browsing the coolest blog in the world (i can obviously say so because i have read every single blog in the world).

What are the keys to your heart?

So I was reading through my usual blog list, and I came upon Adwin's blog, and he had this interesting quiz. Click the title to go do it yourself.
I got:

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

I actually think this is a decent description of me. Most quizzes that I take aren't really true for me (or mostly describe things very vaguely), but this one does an okay job I guess. Go take it now!

Kick in the Mouth

Please, click the title to read my latest piece. I think it is actually very good and very insightful. I wrote it in response to my teacher (the one I really love and cherish, obviously) -- that oh so intelligent and fair Ms. Q -- requesting that I and 5 others in the class write her paragraphs. Go read it now. Continue reading here once you have finished.

...

Okay, so obviously, I am very sorry for my "heinous acts of villainy". I was even tempted to relate it all to "terrorism". Basically what happened was this teacher decided to pull a group of students out of the entire class and make them write paragraphs because they were "disrespectful" towards the announcers. In my own defence, I can honestly say that I said not much in the conversations during the announcements. Perhaps only replying here or there, yet obviously, this is a severe offence and I need to be disciplined accordingly. Even in spite of this, the entire class was chatting away, yet she decides to pick on us 6. So there is my paragraph, and I am handing it in tomorrow. I hope that you as my intelligent readers realize that nothing short of a complete lack of intellectual capacity is needed if you are to take it at face value. Then again, maybe you are just looking out for the "universal ramifications" of such "damnable deeds" such as quietly talking and say... loving kittens.

Seriously, I want to be around when she reads this piece. I mean, I worked a whole 5 minutes on it so I deserve to see her reaction. I call it ranto per hyperbole. Just goes to show that retarded people in authority (regardless of their oversized egos and undersized credentials + character) can't walk all over the everyday Joe Schmo.

Funny sidenote:
My dad and I had this little chat because of all this:
"Are you going to put my phone number down?"
"Sure, if you want."
"Okay, good."
"Why, may I ask?"
"Well, if she calls me, I'm going to give her a hard time."
[aside] "I love you dad."

info @ the P.Pole 06.05.06

5 persons that have bewildered/shocked me:

• God first, hands down, no questions asked
  
• David Blain
  
• Angal Angalov (sp?) with his amazing jumps in the cafe
• girls (pretty much in general)
• John Wyndham and his incredible sci-fi books
  

Food for Thought

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
- Phillipians 4:8

EDIT: Good call. I need to watch my mouth.