eugh

so the past few weeks have taken their toll, regardless of how much i want to deny that fact. i guess there's nothing we can do about it. at first i thought it wouldn't be like this, but it turns out i'm more dependent than my personality tests say. how long has it been? a long time. but then again, it's not been that long. and keeping busy means keeping undemonstrative of these things. then again, what am i doing right now? ...speaking of demons.

"hey, wanna come along for the ride?"
"i really shouldn't." - first mistake
"c'mon, it'll be fun."
"i don't think so. what about after?"
"you and i both know you don't think that far ahead."
"..."

and the rest writes itself. again. i wonder when i'm going to snap out of this remedial loop. i'm hoping for now. hope is a powerful thing, it's wistful thinking not without expectations of fulfillment. that can serve as a pretty strong source of motivation. hm, i think i'm in need of some radical shock therapy. i sure as Hell am-n't getting out of this by digging harder. how does one dig up anyway? i don't know anymore. i thought i did. we all did and do. nega-w00t.