info @ the P.Pole 08.22.05

before i get to the list, which should be pretty meaty today, i'll talk of how i came about these revelations. firstly, revelations are God inspired thoughts or ideas that come from listening to Him, in my books anyway.
here goes. let's start in the night before, where we had cellgroup (Moyee, Perry and i) and we stayed pretty late and so got home even later. for some reason, i couldn't sleep. either it was my thoughts or just that my heart felt a bit lonely. then i prayed that God would let me sleep by taking away my burdens. within minutes, i was down for the count. thanks.
woke up early the next morning (Sunday now), said my morning utterances to God, and then got prepped for AV duties that morning. threw on my Rusty tee and pants. headed out to wait for Perry's car, and that's when i looked over back towards the sun. it itself was covered by the other building but it reflected of yet another building so beautifully that it could light the first building's shadow. kinda like God and His kids.
fast forward to the afternoon, when everyone went to the .COM game (even some ZooCRU people - NOOOOOOOO!) anyway, i spent quite awhile talking with Adwin about this and that, mostly about music and these cool bands that only Ad would know about. hehe. at around 5, i got kicked off my computer and suddenly had an intense urge to read my Bible. did so. then i prayed and felt drowsy all of a sudden. never one to resist my instincts, i flipped over (as i was reading my Bible on my bed) and slammed on the covers. slept like a baby, if babies wake up at 9 pm wondering where they were and where everyone else was.
after about only 30 minutes of might - as - well - have - been - solitude, my parents and sister came back from dinner at grandma's, bringing tidings and gifts of peace (food). i ate it. then decided to watch some television before napping. 2 episodes of family guy and then... i blacked out a bit and don't remember. i know that i "came back" around 11:30 and realized that i should sleep. i went to my bed, tossed and turned, and decided to pray again. i think that's why God gave me that drop-dead nap i had: to pray my heart out afterwards at night.

5 revelations (okay, maybe not for you, but for me they were revelations of sorts) that God gave me:

• i think i am a little more sure of what i want to be when i grow up. i'm thinking God wants something of a hybrid between someone who talks and discusses with others about Him, thinks about Him, writes about Him, and loves the family He's given him. sounds fun but scary. and hard. but considering me, that sounds like just the thing for me. well whatever job/career He gives me, He's still the Boss. He's also the Human Resources Coordinator, Manager, Supervisor, and Assistant at the same time. yet i can't just kick back. God is funny like that.
  
• God doesn't want us to focus so much about Christ's death (and ultimately our own sins) nearly as much as He wants us to realize that yes, He died for us, but being God, He came back for us, Jesus was resurrected thereby defeating death. sometimes you've got to really think, what does that really mean and do i believe it? i damn well didn't before, being consumed with gried and guilt almost every waking moment of my life. i realized last night when God said, "Get over it." that it's not so much about His death but it's more about how His resurrection totally and completely kicks Satan in the mouth and defeats Death. even the Bible says that it's a sin to think that God likes guilt. in fact, He hates it. guilt is neither productive nor from God, meaning that it is from Satan. God can forgive anything since Jesus' death and resurrection make the perfect sacrifice for all of our sins. as soon as we stop hiding behind the wuss-canvas of self-condemnation and guilt, we can start to see, know, feel, and serve God "in spirit and in truth". go figures. so simple. overthinkers beware (me included).
• God is THE Ultimate Being - think of all the stuff He manages and does every single moment, the animals are His, the planets are His to control, the universe is spinning to His will, every life is in His control, and keeping that in mind, He has time - no, makes time - to be our Friend, Savior, King, Father, and Lover. how can we humans possibly feel like not falling to our knees in awe of Him? once again, feelings are useless and evil. more on this later.
  
• God is just dying (literally) to talk - actually, not just talk but to have fellowship - with us; He wants us to talk to Him, to tell Him, to rant and complain to Him, to praise and worship Him, to give thanks to Him, but at the same time, to listen to Him, to be consoled by Him, to accept correction from Him, to think and ponder about Him. and when you do do that (through devotionals + prayer + fellowship + meditation + tithing) then you'll feel like the most complete and whole that you've ever felt, knowing that God of Heaven and Earth and all the Universe put all His calls on hold to give you all the attention, affection, love, and care that you want, need and crave. all this in spite of our sins, screw ups, betrayals, and sometimes blatant rebellions against Him. that is God.
  
• feelings are from the devil. think about it, if God is eternal, His gifts are eternal. feelings last for the moment, and are mostly futile in the long run. you might say "Hey! God gives us the good emotions! Those are good and therefore, from God! I win." but i say that those aren't emotions. things like Joy, Peace, Hope, Faith, and especially Love are not feelings. notice how in the Bible it says stuff like (note: italicized by me) "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ..." (Romans 5:1 NIV) or "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." (1 Cor 13:2). do you see it? those things that are gifts from God are had, not felt. therefore i am inclined to think emotions are nothing more than say, the weather. they can enhance or diminish a day, but you would never, you know, base life decisions or whatnot on them since they come and go, and mostly cycle. the Fruits of the Spirit (because that is what these things are) are gifts from God, and very tangible when considering what should be our natural, consequential actions when we are blessed with those things. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Gal 5:22-23). feelings just got ownzorz'd by fruits.

all this and some... more intimate things came to me after a prayer of about... well i went to sleep right after, at around 12:45 so... long time (estimated at 1 hour and 15 minutes). i know it's not about quantity but quality, but i think sometimes it takes that long for you to calm down and really get in touch with Him, since we build these huge walls around our hearts. and we all know that quantity AND quality go well together.
i must say, near the end all i could do was say those three beautiful, yet mostly wrongly used, words to God. (you know that they are also true for you deep in your heart, so don't make me spell it out for you O_v)

also note: the title is a link to a visual rendition of what my head was like this morning.