Waiting to See

Hoping to scratch him as we bleed to death, as we have a shepherd we do not want. I run on a treadmill that never stops. My reflection in the wading pool is dirty, and I'm sickened. It hurts. I'm sick of repetition. An illness spreading, blinding my eyes. Erase my thoughts. Cancel my subscription to the things of this world. In the open eyes of deliverance, I'm colorblind; waiting to see. Wanting to finally say, "No." and walk away with a smile. Time after time my call is "Game Over", but again and again this cancer spreads, bleeding and spitting guilt and convictions. As I lay in this pit of defeat... (I once again to strive) to beat it out over and over. So worn. I will defeat this. Worked over with intention to kill, to watch Him die and smile at His dismay, His pain. My deliverance, my cleanliness a gift of freedom. My walk purified. My peace given by God.

- Zao, A Simple Reminder

call it emo, call it stupid. call it demanding, call it selfish. whatever it is, i'm feeling it.