It's here, grab your gear and let's go.

well, i just realized that school is about to rear its big, challenging - if not blatantly ugly - head. i can't really say that i'm looking forward to it (even though it will provide me with things to do). i'm not particularly enthusiastic. just look, i can't even get my life together now, when i have nothing to do; how much worse it will be with a whole new set of challenges to manage at the same time? hm, then again, summer is quite boring for people who don't do much (like me) and maybe school can be turned into something good, a solution, rather than another burden... *shrug*
i've got to head out tomorrow morning to grab my timetable (and maybe, if i feel like it, swap a couple first semester courses (i.e. Math, Science, French AND English) for a couple of the second semester courses (i.e. History, Civics & Careers, Economics, and French - grade 11 this time). i definitely won't be switching the first French for anything (as i will need my grade 10 French credit done by the end of sem. 1 to do the grade 11 credit in sem. 2, duh). so i'm thinking maybe... Math/Science for Civics & Careers. that seems like a good balance between the semesters... whether they'll allow it / such arrangements are even available is another story. oh well, i'm not particularly worried. i could very well work myself to the bone the first semester and pseudo-slack for the rest of the year...
another concern about school: will the Brownclowns + The Asian be reunited after the long summer apart?! for your information, the Brownclowns consist of Shivon and Kishon. and as guessed, the Asian (even though the other two are Asian... hmm... plot HOLE) am i. i certainly hope i have at least one class with them, as they are my staple friends at school. awesome people, really. i hope even if we don't have the same classes, strong bonds formed last year will hold strong and true. funny thing (not really) i don't really have any friends outside of two (Shivon and Kishon), even three (and Nate) individuals at school, but that's alright, considering the only people i consider my friends are the ones that matter and not the ones you walk by and wave at. these people are the ones who don't do much that says they care about me, but the love is there.
sadly (not really), my few connections with the opposite sex have dwindled to next to nothing... i guess i'm not one to seek (or need) attention from the [entirety of the population that is of the] opposite sex. me no playboy, i guess. it all seems a bit too frivolous to me, to go fooling around with random girls for no more than a sense of self-satisfaction. that and the fact that they mostly find me retarded because, for "some goddamn reason", i'm not spending every moment of my life talking to them and telling them how pretty they are. and that's caused by my newly cultured (as of the end of grade 9) inability to fall head over heals for someone's looks. i'm sorry, i'm not doing that again.
actually, i hadn't noticed it, but last year, there was this one girl that i quite fancied. i had tricked myself into thinking it was something more than just "oh look she's pretty". but shamefully i must admit, in the end, obviously, it was nothing more than that. the birghter the frog, the deadlier the poison. apparently though, She wants to get a frog, which i find odd and funny.
speaking of female relations, i just realized how i talk much more freely with the opposite sex about certain issues (i.e. stuff regarding faith or relationships or generally serious discussions) than with other guys.
interesting stuff, how i'm not particularly concerned about my relations (especially with girls) at my school, yet i'm thoroughly attached (in a friendly way of course) to my Sisters at church. O.o d'you think it's just to do with people themselves or is it the outlook on the different settings and/or communities? i guess that's the difference between a community that exists through Jesus (according to a book about ministry that i'm reading) and one that isn't. all the more reason to build up good relations with people at school who may later come to Christ. darn. no slacking for me.
on another note, i know it says to not test the Lord our God (heck, Jesus quoted it himself), but i'm going to propose a challenge to Him - an idea that just popped into my mind - and that challenge is this: "If God brings someone to ask me about my faith through my life at school, I will readily take any step of faith He so reveals to me." seems like a reasonable request. simple, perfectly feasible, right? whether God will play along is another story. i don't know whether it is wise of me to propose such a wager, but i think it will be a good incentive (apart from the obvious one - be holy since He is holy - that i seem to be neglecting) to live like Christ. this is going to be one Hell of an experiment. of course, this means i now must live out and be a proper testimony to the ones at my school. that's frightening, without even considering what He might ask me to do if this wager goes through.
i mean, if my God can (and i see that He can and has) turn lumpy clay into beautiful pottery, then technically, i have the potential to make a difference to the people around me, right? well so far i've yet to see physical embodiments of such a claim, even though i know He's doing something in there. so actually, God just gave me a test i think, out of nowhere.
"If you, a n00b, choose to keep your head up, eyes on Me when everything around you says otherwise while relying on My strength, I'll make something ging out of you."
- paraphrased from the voice inside
i'm surprised that God would listen to our prayers, much less talk to us humans. i'm someone who has betrayed Him, set His temple aflame, torn down His creation, cursed at His name, and waged all out war on all that He is more times than can be counted. how great is His mercy, that He would readily pour His wrath out upon Himself rather than upon us frail humans even after all that. if you think about it, we're testing Him everyday. we're testing His love, seeing just how deep it goes, just how many "multitudes of sin" it will cover. luckily for us, God's love is eternal and infinite, and only through His enduring compassion and sympathy for our weakness can we ever hope to become anything good and honourable to Him. i think i get it, how God can possibly not be angry at me, because He gets it. He knows that i'm just human, and so He doesn't hold it against me, given that i repent and confess my sins and therefore, weakness. we're all wussies. the sooner we get that through our heads (i.e. humble ourselves), the sooner we'll start living strong. haha, live strong.
i think i am now done this random spiel of today.