I'm Coming Clean!

Watch this.

These are my confessions:
Just when I thought I said all I could say,
I came up up with more secrets to tell you today.
These are my confessions:
Slipped my mind the last two times,
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions.

First I told you about the skank that I was cheating with--
Then I mentioned she's having my kid.
That's not all, now I recall more, you see,
So I'll give you part three of my confessions.

Now this is gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two.
Like remember when I told you I knew Paulie Shore (Paulie Shore)?
That's a lie. I don't know what I said that for.

I borrowed your chapstick (from you).
I tried out your nose hair trimmer (too).
And by the way your diamond ring is cubic circonium.
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one.

I threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There have been times when I've peed in your sink.
Don't know why, but you and I should agree,
That belongs in part three of my confessions.

Baby forgive me I'm still trying to figure out,
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout.
Oh and sometimes in private, I really like to dress up as Shirley Temple
And spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick).

My boss thinks I'm a jerk, I didn't get that raise.
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty-seven days!
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you as a midget
I'm so sorry Debbi! ...I mean Bridget!

Gave you buttered toast I dropped
And then picked up off the floor.
FYI it was not a cold sore.
Oops my bad, but you'll be madder at me
When I finish part three of my confessions.

You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this, but remember that shirt that you got me for my birthday? Well, I returned it for store credit. Th-that thing was hideous... What were you thinking?! Oh and by the way, I wasn't really sick last week, I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic. Oh and when I told you at breakfast we were all out of Rice Krispies, what I meant was that there was only enough left for me. Sorry.

Once I blew my nose and wiped it on your cat.
And I lied, yes that dress makes you look fat.
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore
'til I give you part four of my confessions.

I mean, I'm just getting started here. I'm not even half way down the list. I-this thing could go on for--! H-hey, where are you goin'?! Honey?! What?! Was it something I said? ...Women.

-Weird Al Yankovic, Confessions Part III

This tune totally cracked me up. It was an actual LOL or ROFL moment (as much as I hate to use those) when I first listened to this song. Click link for yummy.