info @ the P.Pole 06.20.07

I don't know why I need to stay up so late but I don't have anything tomorrow (actually it's today since it's 1:30 am).
When I was small, I watched one too many vampire movies and a Discovery Channel special that either disproved or confirmed various urban legends. Their final chilling piece was about vampires and, calling all other urban legends false, the program actually cited real, unexplained cases of what seemed to be vampires roaming the night, hospitals, and whatnot. Needless to say, I was mortified at the thought that a reliable source would confirm my greatest fear, that something out there was out to get me (specifically, get at my neck) and had sharp teeth to boot. Perhaps that explained why for the subsequent years of my life I could not walk through a dark hallway or room without first pausing to weigh the risks and flipping on the light switch whenever possible. I seriously could not take myself around even remotely dark or shadowy places.
I remember one habit of mine was to look over my shoulder every so often and especially right before starting to brush my teeth to check for said vampires. As a foolish child I would look intently at the mirror as I brushed at the spot just above my right shoulder, waiting for something to jump at me from behind. I have since then grown up and I no longer check in the mirror for vampires. Want to know my secret? Well, as one grows up, one learns to overcome one's own fears, gaining wisdom and rationality. In my case, I grew up and learned that vampires don't appear in mirrors, which is why it is futile to look for them in mirrors. What a fool I was.
If one were to come at me today, I'd be ready with my beloved wooden Katana (which serves as a stake of sorts I imagine) and my mostly fit physical stature (don't look at my hips, they really don't lie). I've been preparing mentally for just such an encounter all my life, practically, ever since I decided years ago that I would not allow myself to be run by my fears of something I've yet to meet. I'm totally prepared for an attack by a vampire. Either I kick his ass or he bites mine. What's the worst that could happen? So I get bitten and turn into a vampire, big deal. Now I've got an eternity to get revenge and scope out the wicked-awesome fempires lurking around... It's either bragging rights or undead superpowers. This is what we call a win-win situation.
Of course, I never much bothered thinking on the possibility that the one to attack me might turn out to be a fempire to start... Now that's an interesting one. Would I even bother fighting back? I mean, winning a fight like that would be like beating up a girl (something I'd readily do in Tekken but not in real life... not again anyway). And I mean, if she wants to bite me that badly I ought to be a gentleman about it and let her have her way with me. A woman's got to satisfy her cravings right? It's the only noble thing to do when you think about it.
Now I'm off to bed before my insane nocturnal patterns make you suspicious of my secret night-prowling life... Blah! I vant to suck your blood!