FWD: You're going to die a lonely, painful death if you don't foward this to everyone and eat dirt and...

I don't know why but I got the sudden urge to hate on forwarded messages during the car ride home tonight. I'm not going to rant (I promise I'll keep it short this time). I'm just going to ask you (all of you, there are now no exceptions or special favourites to be excused) to never ever pass along one of those "Read this or you will have 70 years of bad luck" type emails to me (as if I expect to live to be +80 anyway). I hate them. I never pass them along and I never read them. If you send one to me, you're basically condemning me to whatever the hell is promised inside that email as a warning against ignoring it because I intend on and will succeed in ignoring the damnable thing. With the number of "Read this only if you have time for God" emails I've passed up, I probably need to convert to Roman Catholicism and buy an eternity load of indulgences to get my condemned self out of purgatory. It seems I might have offended some people with that last remark so my work here is done for tonight.

PS: Really, don't send me them, unless you want to be goatse'd. Trust me, you don't want to get goatse'd. I never was but that doesn't mean I've never thought of passing it along.